


Unexpected

by criminal_intent



Category: Halt and Catch Fire
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence - Halt And Catch Fire, Drama & Romance, Established Relationship, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Family, Fluff, Oral Sex, Sex, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-09
Updated: 2017-07-13
Packaged: 2018-04-13 17:26:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 40,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4530702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/criminal_intent/pseuds/criminal_intent
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cameron is faced with an unexpected situation that has left her feeling completely lost. Can she make the right decision on her own? And will Joe actually be by her side throughout all of this?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Pendulumwriter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pendulumwriter/gifts), [ofplanet_earth](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ofplanet_earth/gifts).



> Disclaimer: As usual, I don't own anything except for the plot in this story.
> 
> I've had this idea in my head since before the second season was out. I finally decided to sit down and write it once the second season ended and I had all the details to keep this fic as canon as possible.
> 
> This fic is dedicated to Pendulumwriter and ofplanet_earth for all their help on getting the plot and characters worked out. Thanks, guys. You're amazing!
> 
> NOTE: Although this takes place in 1989, I wrote this before season 3 aired, so the events in that season and season 4 will NOT be a part of this story. I may be pulling very small bits and pieces from those seasons, but the main plot points will not make an appearance.

Cameron stared at the vial of blue liquid that was shaking in her hand. The air seemed to be rushing out of the room each time she tried to gasp a breath of it down. It felt like she was underwater.

“Oh, my god,” she whispered, hardly noticing the words tumbling out of her mouth. She leaned against the bathroom counter when her knees started to buckle. Her still shaking hand that wasn’t holding the vial ran through her blonde hair, tugging slightly at the ends and making it even messier than normal.

She finally looked at herself in the mirror. It was not a pretty sight. Her skin was shiny with sweat and her eyes were sunken in and surrounded by dark circles. She was so pale that her skin looked almost green in the bathroom’s fluorescent lighting. The thing that struck her most, though, was the look of absolute terror that was clouding her face. There wasn’t a shred of her normal self in that reflection.

_‘_ This cannot be happening,’ she thought. Dread filled her body at even the slightest thought of what all of this would bring and she began feeling lightheaded and nauseous. The room was starting to spin like she was on a carousel. Before she could even attempt to force it back down, she turned around quickly and retched in the toilet, coughs echoing around the bathroom. The sound was practically mocking her. 

Cameron had been passing off the recent bouts of nausea as the flu, and it was an idea that she still was reluctant to give up entirely. The usually very small optimistic side of her was growing smaller by the minute, though, as she came to the conclusion that her reality was never that simple.

She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and let out a shuddering sigh as she reached up and pulled the toilet handle down. Putting the seat down, she sat on top of it and rested her head in her empty hand. She peaked around her fingers, hoping the liquid would actually be clear and that she had just hallucinated the entire thing. Unfortunately, luck was not with her today and the contents stayed blue. Letting out a groan, she laid her head back in her hand. 

A sharp knock came at the bathroom door that nearly caused her to jump out of her skin. Standing up quickly, she dumped the liquid down the sink and threw the vial and its box into the trash. Taking another look in the mirror at her disastrous appearance, she ran her hands through her hair and took several steadying breaths.

The knock came again and Cameron couldn’t help the short tone of her voice. “Just a second!”

Apparently that person didn’t care if she was going to be in there even a second longer because the knocking continued and this time with an urgent pace. “I said I’ll be out in a second!”

Taking one last calming breath, she wrenched the door open and came face to face with Donna. The latter eyed Cameron for a second, looking her up and down with concern written all over her face.

“What do you want, Donna?” she snapped, ignoring Donna’s look of worry.

“Are you okay? You’ve been in here for almost an hour,” Donna inquired, her brows lacing together.  

“Uh, yeah. I’m fine. What’s up? Is the network down?” She felt a slight panic at the recurring problem happening for the second time this week, but Donna’s face told her that this was luckily not the case. She knew that Donna was going to keep pestering her about what was wrong with her and she wanted nothing more than to get away from this conversation and go back to her office.

“No, everything’s fine with the network. I was just checking on you. You look really pale, Cameron…”

“Well, I’m fine. Just get back to work, please. We have a lot that needs fixed right now.”

“I know we do, Cameron, but I think all of this is getting to be a bit much for you. You haven’t looked yourself for over a week. Maybe we should look into hiring more people?”

“We can’t stretch the funds for it right now, Donna. Not with all the maintenance needed on the mainframe.”

“I know. I just think you—”

“Really, Donna. I’m fine,” Cameron bit at Donna, who seemed slightly taken aback. Darting past her, she could feel Donna’s suspicious gaze follow her every move. 

Cameron shut the door to her office as soon as she walked into it. Closing her eyes she rested heavily against the door and slid down a little, her thoughts immediately moving back to the now empty pregnancy test in the trash can.

What was she going to do? She couldn’t very well tell anyone, at least not until she was positive that the test was right. ‘It could still be the flu, you know,’ the minuscule overly optimistic voice in her head reminded her.

Her mind jumped to thoughts of the future and how all of this could tear down what she created with Mutiny. How could she juggle this when her company seemed to be slowly coming apart at the seams? She could hardly handle the hardware issues now, but add a child into that mix? Forget about it. She felt nausea creeping up again at that last thought.

_And Joe._ They had never talked about children, and why would they? They had started their relationship back up a little over a year ago and it was just now rolling into the realms of normalcy. This would ruin all of that progress if it turned out to be true. He would want out as soon as she told him. ’You don’t have to tell him, though. Donna never told Gordon about hers,’ she thought darkly. Her mind wandered back to four years ago when she had only confided in Cameron. ‘But you can’t tell anyone about this,’ she thought again.

Letting out a heavy, drawn-out breath, she finally opened her eyes and moved off the door. She took a few wobbly steps to her desk and pulled open the bottom drawer, reaching for a phone book. She opened it and flipped through the pages until she landed on the topic she was looking for. Cameron pulled the phone off the receiver and slowly dialed in the number of an office that was closest to Mutiny.

“Hi, I’d like to schedule an appointment.”

 

* * *

 

Cameron slowly turned the key in the lock to her apartment and pushed the door open. She leant her head against it for a moment once she shut it. Her thoughts had been a muddled mess all day and she hoped finally being back in her apartment and taking a long shower would help. She doubted it, but maybe something would go her way for once. Turning around, she shrugged her backpack off and began walking towards her room.

“Hey. You’re back late,” said a familiar voice from down the hallway. Cameron jumped a little and froze when she looked up to see Joe’s tall figure staring at her and holding a toothbrush. 

“Um, yeah. There was another network outage right before I was about to leave,” she lied. 

“Again? Isn’t this the fourth time in the last two weeks?”

“Yeah, we’re working on it.” She shrugged, not keen on adding anymore to this conversation. Diverting her eyes, she made her way past Joe to the bedroom. The air shifted a little as he moved back into the bathroom and shut the door, clearly unimpressed with her aloof behavior.

She dumped her backpack on the floor next to the nightstand and sat on the bed. Her head immediately fell into her hands as her thoughts came rushing back to her. The nausea that had been plaguing her at various times all day was rearing its ugly head again. Was she ever going to feel normal again? She let out a small groan at her wavering confidence.

“Are you feeling any better? I was hoping you’d stop by last night,” Joe asked her. She lifted her head to see him leaning against the door frame and assessing her.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just came back here after work and fell asleep,” she lied again. In truth, she hadn’t come back last night at all, fearing Joe might be at her apartment. She hadn’t been ready to see him after what she had discovered yesterday and decided it would be safest to just crash on the couch in her office. Honesty, she still wasn’t ready to see him, but she figured she couldn’t avoid him forever, as much as she would like to at this moment.

“You don’t look good, Cameron,” he said. He sat next to her on the bed and continued to stare at her.

“It’s nothing. I told you, I had the flu all week. It’s just wearing off, that’s all.” He didn’t seem to buy what she was selling and gave her another one of his unimpressed looks. She moved her gaze back to her lap where her hands were splayed tightly over her knees, causing her knuckles to turn white. His hand came to rest on the right one and she bolted up at the touch. Surprise and confusion colored his face as she moved to leave the room. 

“I, um… I just need a shower,” she said, stopping before she was at the doorway. He furrowed his heavy brows but didn’t say anything, so she rushed down the hall.

Closing the bathroom door, she went to the sink and gripped the sides of it. She stared at her pale reflection in the mirror and her mind immediately flashed back to the afternoon.

 

_Cameron sat in the waiting room, staring at the various health magazines and parenting guides spread across the table. They weren’t exactly a welcoming site right now, but they kept her occupied while she waited for her name to be called._

_She moved her head to watch a couple of children surrounding their heavily-pregnant mother and clearly irritating her as she filled out paperwork. They ran away from her when she told them to sit down and began darting around the set of chairs that Cameron was sitting at. Irritation was starting to take over her when the mother didn’t bother to tell them to stop. She didn't have the energy to snap at her, though._

_Just as she got up to sit in a different seat, the nurse called her name from the door. The lady weighed her and then ushered her into a room, asking the usual about medications and health history. Cameron answered as normally as she could event though nerves were threatening to make her voice crack at any second._

_“All right. Your doctor will be in shortly,” the nurse said as she shut the door._

_Cameron stared around the room as the silence bared down heavily on her. The charts and medical diagrams were quickly starting to make her feel like she was suffocating. Everything in that room seemed to be mocking her, from the oversized reproductive models to the pictures of newborn babies framed on the walls. She closed her eyes tightly as the chanting in her head started, growing louder by the second, ‘You could have prevented this! You could have prevented this!’_

_The door suddenly swung open and the doctor walked in. She was tall and her blonde hair was pulled back into a severe ponytail and the harsh set of her face only made the mocking voice in her head pick up the chant again. This whole day was a mockery of itself._

_“Hi, Cameron. I’m Dr. Stevenson. How are you?” The kind tone of her voice and sudden smile on her face was a sharp contrast to her looks and it took Cameron by surprise._  

_“I’m…you know.” Cameron laughed awkwardly and broke eye contact with the doctor._

_She let out a sympathetic smile at Cameron’s response and nodded her head. “All right. So let’s get right to it. When was your last period?”_  

_“Um… I don’t know. Maybe two months ago? We’ve had a really stressful time at work, so I didn’t even notice it till recently.”_

_Dr. Stevenson wrote a note on her clipboard. “And have you taken a pregnancy test at all?”_

_“Yeah. It was positive.” Cameron’s voice got smaller at finally admitting those words aloud._

_The doctor nodded her head again as she made another note. “And have you had any complications recently? Ones that are generally associated with pregnancy?”_

_“Uh, yeah. I’ve been throwing up a lot and I’ve had some bad headaches.”_

_“Okay,” the gynecologist said as she made one last note and laid the clipboard on the table beside her. “I’m going to do a blood test and we’ll be able to let you know by Monday morning.”_

_“No sooner?” Cameron felt panic moving through her body at the thought of having to wait a whole weekend._

_“Well, it is Friday. It’s a little too late for the lab to process these by the end of the day,” she said apologetically. She drew out a blue rubber strip and tied it tightly around Cameron’s upper left arm. Moving back to the table, she pulled a needle out of a small plastic bag and stuck a tube into the end._

_“Do you think I’m definitely…” Cameron couldn’t find it in herself to say the word. It made it all too real._

_Dr. Stevenson’s eyes met hers before she looked down and stuck Cameron with the needle. “I think it is likely, based on your symptoms and what the test said, but it could be a fluke. I don’t want to give you false information and make you more nervous or relaxed for the weekend. The blood test will be able to give us a clear-cut answer.”_

_She pulled the needle out of Cameron’s arm and chucked all but the vial of blood into the trashcan next to her. The rubber strip came off next and Cameron subconsciously flexed her fingers to bring circulation back to them._

_“Like I said, we’ll know for sure whether you’re pregnant or not on Monday. We’ll give you a call as soon as the results are in.”_

_Cameron swallowed and nodded her head, trying not to think of the long weekend ahead._

_“Did you have any other questions?”_

_“No.”_

_“All right, Cameron. Have a great weekend.” The doctor smiled at her and moved to leave the room. Cameron could barely muster the weakest of smiles and it faded from her face before the doctor even shut the door._

 

Reality came slamming back and she looked at herself in the mirror again. ‘A whole weekend,’ she thought pitifully. Turning around, she turned on the shower and began peeling off her clothes, hoping this might help ease her mind at least a little.

When the warm stream finally started to run cold, she reluctantly turned off the shower and stepped out. She wrapped a large towel around herself, picked up her dirty clothes, and walked quietly to the bedroom. 

The light was still on in the room and Joe was asleep on top of the covers. He’d most likely planned on ambushing her again once she was was out of the bathroom. She couldn’t deny that she was glad he was asleep and hoped she wouldn’t wake him. After throwing her clothes in the hamper, she found a clean shirt and sweatpants and made her way out of the room as quietly as she could. She didn’t even bother turning off the light for fear he would stir. 

Cameron walked to the living room and grabbed the blanket off the armchair before plopping down on the couch. Adjusting the pillows, she tried to come up with a plan that would allow her to not see Joe in the morning…or preferably the rest of the weekend. She could just wake up early and go back to Mutiny before Joe woke up. Then, she could sleep there until the test results were in. She could avoid him until then, right? 

She closed her eyes tightly at all the stress this was causing her and tried to think of a new Community forum design or an upgrade for the mainframe to stop these network outages, anything to keep her mind off the situation that she just couldn’t leave behind. Finally, exhaustion took over and before she could even form another negative thought, she was asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like it so far! I'm not sure how many chapters there are going to end up being, but I'm not close to being done yet. Comments are love <3


	2. Chapter 2

Cameron walked into her office and shut the door a little harder than necessary. After dealing with a few major coding errors created by some new hires and trying an unsuccessful hack on the mainframe, she was ready to jump out of her third floor window. Throwing herself on her chair, she turned her computer on and waited for it to boot up. 

She thought back to the weekend and was hit with a wave of more irritation. Her plan to ignore Joe over the weekend wasn’t met with much success. While she had been able to avoid him Saturday morning and head off to Mutiny for most of the day, he was still there when she got home. It almost felt like he was following her around the apartment at some points and she had snapped at him more than once over the fact. Apparently, it wasn’t enough to get rid of him entirely, so she’d had to deal with him lest she was forced to sleep on her uncomfortable office couch again. She had resorted to just pretending he wasn’t there and listening to music so loudly that she could barely hear herself think. At least she had discovered some new artists in the process.

The red blinking on her phone drew her attention back to reality and she picked it up off the receiver to listen to her seemingly never-ending messages. The first three had her rolling her eyes. All of them involved angry customers who had demanded to talk to the highest manager to solve their petty issues. She really needed to have a talk with Mutiny’s secretary and the whole crew about trying to solve these issues on their own and stop sending them her way.

The final message sent her stomach to the floor as soon as the caller identified herself.

“Hi, this message is for Cameron Howe. This is Jessica with Contemporary OB/GYN. I called your home phone, but got no answer, so I’m trying the number you gave us for your work. I just wanted to let you know that we have your test results in and you can give us a call at your earliest convenience. Our number is (555) 396-2942 and our office closes today at 4:00 pm. Have a great day.”

She stared straight ahead and didn’t put down the phone even when the messages were over and went to the dial tone. She hit the telephone hook and dialed into her messages again, skipping through the first three until she landed on the doctor’s message again. Each time she listened to it, her stomach seemed to fall even further to the ground. She was sure it was in the building’s basement at this point. After listening to the message a total of four times, she finally reached for a pen and played the message one more time to shakily write out the phone number.

‘This is it,’ she thought, but still couldn’t make herself call the number. It would make the situation she’d been trying to avoid all weekend real. Much too real. Each time she took in a deep breath, she moved her hand to pick up the phone, but never quite made it.

“Come on. Just do it, chickenshit,” she angrily murmured to herself before she finally snatched up the phone and punched the numbers in. 

The phone rang twice before a woman answered and patched her through to a nurse. A terrible chiming that seemed worse than the average elevator music met Cameron’s ear once she was placed on hold. She scrunched her nose at the sound but only had to wait a couple minutes before the nurse came on the line.

“This is Jackie. How can I help you?”

“Uh, hi. Yeah, I got a call saying my test results were in,” Cameron replied, feeling her voice dangerously close to cracking. 

“All right. What is your name and who is your doctor?”

“Cameron Howe and I’m seeing Dr. Stevenson.”

“Let me put you on hold while I grab your file.”

This time, she barely even noticed the terrible music as the sound of her pulse thudding in her ears nearly drowned it out. Her mouth was starting to go dry and nausea was prickling at the back of her throat. 

The nurse came back just as her head was starting to ache. “Hi, Cameron? I have your results here for the pregnancy test you had on Friday.”

“Okay.” Cameron’s voice sounded like nails on a chalkboard. ‘Please let it be negative, please let it be negative, please let it be negative’ she thought in a chant before the nurse spoke again.

“The results were positive and you’re pregnant! Congratulations!”

If her stomach had been in the basement before, it was at the core of the earth now. The nausea was suddenly worse than it had been all day and the only thought that came to her head was a ‘ _no_ ’.

“Um…thanks,” she heard herself reply more than consciously realized it. Tears were starting to well up in her eyes and her face was beginning to flush.

“I’ll let you get to sharing the news with your loved ones, but make an appointment with us for a follow-up when you get a chance, okay?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Well, have a great day, and again, congratulations!”

The phone on the other end clicked and the dial tone rang for a minute before Cameron slowly set it down. “I’m pregnant,” she whispered to herself. She shut her eyes tightly and two fat tears leaked out of the corners of her eyes. 

Her breath started increasing and before she knew it, she felt the onslaught of a panic attack taking over. She got up and paced around the room a couple of times, her breath becoming faster and sharper with every step she took until dizziness nearly took her sight. Stumbling to the couch, she fall harshly on top of it. She stared around the office, trying her hardest to get her breathing back to normal, but it only seemed to make matters worse. Tears were coursing down her face now and dripping onto her shirt. Her whole body was shaking and she felt powerless to stop it. She sucked in a few deep breaths that threw her into a coughing fit. Not having the ability to get up and walk to her desk for her cup of water, she laid down on the sofa and shut her eyes tightly. It seemed to do the trick because after several minutes, her racing heart slowed down and her breathing was only slightly abnormal now. Her headache was another story, though.

The light pouring in through the large windows was almost blinding in its sudden intensity and she had to shield her eyes as she got up and quickly walked to her desk. Throwing open her drawers, she reached around in each of them until her hand closed around a bottle in the back of one. Not particularly caring whether or not she should be taking Tylenol, she dumped a couple in her hand and swallowed them. She could tell that this was going to be a very long day and it was only noon.

 

* * *

 

“Damn it,” Joe muttered under his breath as he shuffled through the papers on his desk. He opened the bottom drawer and looked through it, but still no luck. He must have left the documents at Cameron’s over the weekend and forgot to pick them up when he grabbed everything else that morning. A glance at the clock over the door told him it was 11:12 am. There was still time to pick up those documents before his meeting at 2:00 pm and he would be damned if he was going to lead this thing without them. Grabbing his suit jacket that he had shrugged off earlier, he made his way out the door.

“Carol, I’ll be back within the hour. Just heading out for an early lunch. Let my messages go to voicemail,” he said to his secretary who just smiled and nodded in response. 

Joe unlocked the door to Cameron’s apartment and moved into the living room. The coffee table was covered in various papers, but a quick look told him that they all belonged to Cameron and Mutiny. He looked over at the dining table and was mildly surprised to see that it was cleared off, very unlike Cameron’s usual state of living. Walking past the kitchen, he saw the documents out of the corner of his eye resting on the bar counter. The phone on the wall next to the kitchen suddenly rang shrilly and caused him to jump slightly. Cameron became extremely irritated with him whenever he answered her phone, so out of habit, he ignored the ringing as he proceeded to the kitchen to grab something out of the fridge that was at least slightly edible. His eyes scanned across the numerous orange soda cans and junk food lining the shelves. He needed to buy more food for this place that was actually consumable, but he closed the door and reached for a bag of chips anyway as the voicemail went off.

“Hi, this message is for Cameron Howe. This is Jessica with Contemporary OB/GYN. We have your test results in, so please give us a call back as soon as you can. You can reach us at (555) 396-2942. Have a great day.”

He looked at the phone with wide eyes and froze with his hand still on the bag of chips. The blood in his veins had turned to ice and it felt like his stomach had fallen out of his body. His appetite had completely disappeared. ‘What’s wrong with her?’ he thought. His mind immediately went to a dark place, a place that he was quite familiar with. He dropped the chips without noticing and went to the answering machine. Pressing play, he leaned against the counter, his hands gripping the edges.

The message played exactly the same and that same rush of devastation took over him again. ‘It could just be a normal checkup,’ he tried to reason with himself, but he knew that Cameron was hardly one to actually go to the doctor no matter how sick she was. His breath was starting to come in shallow, fast gasps and he moved to the dining table to sit down. There didn’t necessarily have to be anything to worry about, he was just making out the worst of the situation, he knew that, but it was hard to imagine it being anything good. That just wasn’t how his life went. ‘It could be like Simon,’ the cruel voice in his head suggested harshly. He couldn’t even lie that it had been his first thought, and now that it was firmly planted in his head, he couldn’t shake it. 

When he stopped feeling dizzy, he raised his head to stare at the answering machine again. There was no use speculating on what it was. It could be everything or it could be nothing. His eyes moved across to the bar counter and was immediately brought back to reality when he saw the documents lying there. He looked at his watch and got up to grab the papers and dart out the door.

He had no choice but to wait until tonight to find out what that message was about.

 

* * *

 

Cameron was sitting on the couch. Papers were scattered all over the coffee table and some were on the floor; the only sound that was heard in the apartment was the scratch of her pen as she wrote down new ideas. She had been burying herself in work since that afternoon. Anything to keep her mind off of _that_.   

She heard the door unlock and looked up to see Joe walk in. His eyes met hers and she instantly knew something was wrong before he took another step. There was a look of worry, almost shock on his face that was causing his brow to furrow together tightly. His eyes looked deeply troubled and he wasn’t blinking, just staring at her.

“Everything okay?” she asked hesitantly. He broke eye contact with her and began moving into the living room, dropping his briefcase next to the wall.

“Uh, yeah. The meeting just went longer than expected.” His short answer was hardly convincing. He didn’t look back at her before heading to the bathroom.

His odd behavior made her frown as she glanced at the bathroom door. Sighing, she got up and went to the kitchen to get another orange soda. Her eyes glanced over the answering machine and it made her stomach churn. She absentmindedly pulled the can out of the fridge and cracked it open, still staring at the machine.

She had played the message when she had gotten home and while it was hardly news to her, the voicemail still turned her stomach. She deleted it before she had listened to the entire thing. The day had been incredibly overwhelming and she could hardly sit in her office without her eyes constantly shifting towards the phone. Not being able to handle it much longer, she had booked it out of there at 3:00 pm and planned to work from home. Or at least be as far away from that incriminating office phone as possible. When she came back to her apartment, she immediately moved over to the coffee table to bury herself in work and pretend like none of this was really happening, a feat that was mildly successful after a couple hours spent in the world of coding.

Cameron finally tore her eyes from the answering machine and suddenly couldn’t stomach the soda she was holding. She brought it back to the couch with her and sat it on the table. Picking up the papers she had been writing on, she stared at them, reading the same line over and over again, but not taking a word of it in.

Suddenly the bathroom door opened and out stumbled a slightly wild-looking Joe. She eyed him curiously before asking again, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I—No.” She frowned at his answer and cocked her head when he didn’t say anything else. He swallowed loudly and continued when she shifted her eyes back and forth. “I, um, came back at lunch today to pick up some papers I left here.” His eyes were boring into hers and it was starting to make her feel uncomfortable.

“Okay…” she drawled out when he didn’t get to the point again.

“The phone rang and I heard the message from your doctor. Cameron…what’s going on?” He said the last three words so quickly that she could barely make them out. But it might also have to do with the fact that her ears were starting to ring.

He was there? What had they said in the message? She hadn’t heard the entire thing, but she couldn’t remember anything that gave away too much. Maybe it was the same as the one they had left on her office phone? Nevertheless, her heart was starting to pound and her mouth went dry.

“Nothing. It was just a checkup. Don’t worry about it,” she said in a short tone. ‘You should take your own advice, girl,’ she thought to herself. 

“That message didn’t sound like nothing. Seriously, Cameron, what’s going on?”

“Oh, my God, Joe. Nothing is wrong with me. It was just an annual checkup.” She was getting worked up trying to make him believe her lie. Something he should be pretty familiar with…

He narrowed his eyes at her. “It sounded like—”

“Seriously. Drop it,” she snapped at him. She stared at him until he rolled his eyes and turned around.

“I’m going to bed,” he called angrily over his shoulder.

Her gaze followed him until he slammed the door shut behind him. She closed her eyes and let out a long sigh. Rubbing her face with her hands, she thought, 'This is not good _.'_  

 

* * *

 

The next few days at Mutiny were hardly less overwhelming. At this point, she was ready for the mainframe to just catch on fire so that she’d just be forced to start from scratch Donna wasn’t having it with her negativity, though, and was working endlessly with Gordon to solve the issue. This morning, he had actually agreed with Cameron that fixing the mainframe entirely was impossible and Donna had yelled at both of them and forced them out of the room.

Cameron had been avoiding her office as much as possible since Monday and it had apparently been obvious enough to draw some people’s attention. On Wednesday, Lev had asked if the coders were doing something wrong, and when she said no, he replied, “Then why are you watching us like a hawk?” She immediately made a beeline towards Bos’s office at that comment and had been there ever since. Bos had been out visiting his son in Texas for the week, so his office seemed like the best solution to her dilemma of getting work done while avoiding her own office. 

By Friday, she felt like she had completely lost her wits. Joe had apparently been so mad at her since Monday night, that she hadn’t heard from him all week, which if she was being honest with herself, was fine by her. People at Mutiny was starting to grate on her nerves about literally everything imaginable. She had even snapped at a new kid because he was making his coffee in an irritating way. She’d finally had to admit that her behavior boiled down to hormones, and as a result, had locked herself away in Bos’s office for the rest of Thursday after that realization. Her subconscious seemed like it was attempting to avoid the fact that she was pregnant, but she knew her body wouldn’t let her forget about that soon. She’d have to address the problem eventually, but for now, she was content with pretending Mutiny was the only stressor in her life.

After turning on Bos’s computer on Friday morning, she broke down and began scouting Community for another mainframe, like she had previously done with their current one. Donna was currently having employees hunt the forums for suspicious activity, so she needed to be careful about finding this mainframe or else she’d have Donna’s wrath to answer to. She was ready to move this company to a couple new mainframe locations some Mutiny members had suggested when she heard a knock at the door. 

“Come in!” she called out.

She looked up to see Donna’s head poke through the crack in the door. “Hey, can we talk?” Donna asked with hesitation in her voice. For a second, she thought Donna had caught onto her Community betrayal, but the lack of anger in her voice suggested otherwise. 

“Uh, yeah, sure. What’s up?” Cameron turned her attention away from the computer as Donna walked in and took her time closing the door behind her. She felt a prickle of annoyance at that mannerism then anger at herself for finding that simple movement irritating. These hormones were going to be the death of her….

Donna stared at her for a second from her place at the door before walking over to the chair in front of Cameron’s desk and taking a seat. 

“Okay, well, before I get into this, I do have some good news. I think I might be onto something with the mainframe. If I work at it over the weekend, I really may be able to fix this. We all know it’s old, but if I upgrade certain parts we hadn’t thought of yet, it might do the trick.”

“Oh, wow. That’s great, Donna. Keep me updated,” Cameron replied half-heartedly. She honestly had little faith left in the thing, but who was she to piss on Donna’s parade?

“But that’s not really what I’m here about. Cameron… _I know_ ,” she said with a meaningful glance at Cameron.

“You know what?” Cameron’s mind flashed back to her request on Community and she began mentally preparing herself for Donna’s anger.

“You’re hardly hiding this well. Come on, Cameron. I told you about mine, let’s not pretend that you don’t know what I’m talking about.”

“If this is about the mainframe, look, I’m sorry, Donna.”

“What? Cameron, no. I know that you’re… _pregnant_ ,” she whispered the last word as though the whole office could hear her. Cameron’s eyes widened and her jaw dropped at Donna’s confession, completely at loss as to how she had caught onto her secret. 

“How did you know?” Her once strong voice came out as a small squeak.

“Well, besides the fact that you’ve been snapping at people over the most mundane things? We all heard about Kyle and his coffee.” Donna laughed at that instead of being irritated like Cameron would have expected her to be. “But I’d like to think we know each other pretty well by now. I saw the pregnancy test in the trash last week, and you’ve been acting strange ever since. I’ve also been through this multiple times.” She paused before adding, “Do you know for sure?”

Cameron nodded her head and had to swallow twice before she could speak. “The doctor’s called me on Monday.”

Cameron’s face must have given her away because unlike the nurse’s reaction, Donna didn’t congratulate her.

“Do you know what you’re going to do?” Donna asked hesitantly. 

She really had no idea. No matter how much she’d though about it over the week, she was about as sure she had been last week. Cameron looked Donna in the eyes before shaking her head. 

“How far along are you?”  

“About two months, I think.” Her voice still hadn’t gained its usual gusto back.

“Okay… Well, you still have time to decide. I’m here for you, you know that, right? Just like you were for me.”

“I… Thank you,” she responded, not knowing what else to say. 

Donna looked over her with worry written on her face. She reached out and placed her hand on Cameron’s right one. Cameron dropped her gaze to their hands and didn’t say anything, just stared.

“You’re going to get through this, I promise you. No matter what you decide, you’ll be fine… Does Joe know?” Donna almost seemed like she didn’t want to ask the question.

Cameron bristled slightly at the sound of his name, but again, shook her head.

“I would ask if you’re planning on telling him, but since you don’t know what you’re doing, I guess that’s a pointless question.”

Cameron let out a humorless laugh and still didn’t meet Donna’s eyes. 

“Look, I know this decision is probably the hardest one you’ll make, but please look at it from all angles or you might regret it.”

“What do you think I should do?” Cameron couldn’t help but ask her. She finally lifted her gaze to Donna and suddenly felt like a little child.

“Cameron, I can’t be the one to figure that out for you. In fact, I don’t think anyone else can besides you. Not even Joe. You need to do what’s best for you. Don’t think of how this will effect other people because I know you will and that’s not fair to you. This is hard, I know, but like you told me two years ago, sometimes life can give us a sign, point us to a different place, and make good things come out of the bad. This might be one of those times and I really want you to try and remember that.”

Cameron’s brow furrowed and she looked down again, not knowing how to respond to what Donna had just said. Of course this was all a sign, she just wasn’t sure what it was trying to tell her.

Donna squeezed her hand and said, “I _will_ tell you that while you still have some time to make up your mind on this, you need to decide whether or not to tell Joe first. I’m not saying he deserves to know, and you know my opinion on him, but I do think it will make it easier for you to solve that problem first.”

“Yeah, I know. But even if I did decide to tell him, I have no idea how I’d do it. It might ruin everything we’ve managed to rebuild…or just build, in general. We’re just now at the stage where someone might refer to us as a ‘normal couple’ and this could just tear the whole thing apart.”

“It might, but it might not. I think you might be surprised.” Cameron gave Donna an incredulous look at her statement. “Have you ever talked about kids?”

“We’ve never even talked about living together, so kids were definitely not brought up. Besides, Ihighly doubt someone like him would want them.”

“I don’t know. Anytime he’s been with Joanie and Haley, he’s been nothing but sweet with them. It actually kind of shocked me the first time I saw it. I might not like him, but Joanie and Haley love him, so that’s something,” Donna laughed. 

Cameron was surprised. She could hardly imagine him near a child, let alone being nice to Donna’s kids. This was definitely a new development, which under normal circumstances, she would have gone home and teased him about it, but this was hardly funny at the moment. 

She groaned loudly before saying, “I’ve never wanted kids, so why am I so confused about what to do?”

Donna looked at her sympathetically. “It’s always going to be a little different when you’re actually faced with it because you’re suddenly asking ‘what if’ over every little thing. It will all come to you. Just don’t rush the decision, okay?” 

Cameron nodded her head again. She looked at Donna with pleading eyes, hoping she’d give in and tell Cameron what to do with this, but she either didn’t see the look or wasn’t willing to cave because she rose from her seat and let go of Cameron’s hand. 

“Well, as I said, I think I’m onto something with the mainframe, so I’m going to get back to it before I lose the momentum. Just….think about what I said, all right? Again, if you need anything, I’m here for you.” Donna gave her a warm smile before turning around and shutting the door gently behind her.

Cameron felt even more confused after her talk with Donna. What was she meant to do with all of this? She didn’t want to look at this from all angles, it made it too real, and the last thing she wanted was to fully admit to herself that this wasn’t a nightmare. The returning headache she was getting now was telling her that she’d have no choice but to make a decision on this as soon as possible, and she’d have to start with Joe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Joe and Cameron still didn't interact much in this chapter, but that will change soon. I just need to establish how much Cameron does not want to be around him at this point.
> 
> Hope you liked it!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, I know. I'm a terrible person. But here it is, finally! I had some major writer's block with this chapter, for whatever reason, but I managed to squeeze something out. I'd like to give another HUGE shoutout to Pendulumwriter for helping me through this one. You're amazing, girl!

“Damn it,” Cameron muttered under her breath as the computer sputtered and the screen flashed. She hit the side of it which did nothing but cause the screen to blur once again. Donna was going to have to take a look at this damn thing. Was everything in this company going to continue to fall apart?

She was just about to push herself out of her chair to go find a computer that wasn’t being used when a knock came at the door and Bos walked in. 

He had only been in for a day, but the place already felt more in control than it had the whole week he was gone. She had let out a huge sigh of relief the moment she saw him Monday morning and she was fairly sure it wasn’t entirely due to him being back at Mutiny.

“Hey Bos, what’s up?" 

“Well, we didn’t get a chance to talk much yesterday, so I was just coming over to say hi. How are you?” His Southern drawl was, as always, comforting and she felt some of her stress slide off her shoulders at the sound of it.

“This computer is about to kick the bucket. I was just about to go get another one and see if Donna can do anything with this, but I’m not sure she’ll deem it ‘worth her time.’”

“I saw her working on something else this morning, so you might be in luck. She still not giving up on fixing the damn mainframe?”

“Ha, no. I’ve tried every possible way to tell her to give up on it and just let me find a new one, but she’s not having it. I might have to just burn the thing when she’s not in. But considering who she is, she might think it’s still salvageable.” Cameron rolled her eyes at the thought. She’d had it up to here with Donna’s stubbornness with this thing.

“I’ve tried my hardest to get her to back down, but she sure is a fighter for what she believes in. Maybe we need some of that old Joe MacMillan sabotage in here,” he said with a wink.

Cameron let out a shallow laugh at the mention of Joe, but answered as if nothing was going on between them. “Yeah, I’ll be damned if I let him near my company again.”

Bos had been weary for a long time about her rekindling things with Joe. He had just come around to the idea that Joe might be in their lives for the long-haul and was slowly easing up on his constant vigilance whenever he was around the two, but she knew he still didn’t fully trust him. Not that Cameron was completely trusting of Joe either, but it was much more obvious with Bos. She considered it a good sign the day he joked about something Joe-related, but she knew that news of this pregnancy was going to move that progress ten steps back.

Her face must have given away her unease because Bos’ hand was suddenly resting on her forearm and he was looking at her with concern in his eyes.

“Hey, you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m just stressed about everything going on in the company.”

“I don’t think it’s just about Mutiny, Cameron. You weren’t lookin’ too good yesterday and you’re only slightly better now. You sick?”

“No, I’m fine. I promise, it’s just stress.” Since when had lying become as easy as breathing for her?

“You said that two weeks ago when you took time off from work. What’s going on? Donna won’t tell me anything.”

Her wandering gaze suddenly snapped back to his face and she felt anger bubbling up inside. “Oh, so you’re talking to Donna about me now?”

“I just wanted to see if she knew what was wrong with you.”

“So you went to her instead of just asking me?” She couldn’t really understand why she was getting angrier by the second about this, but she assumed it was related to the hormones she was starting to hate more and more everyday.

Bos let out a laugh at what she said. “Cameron, I _have_ been asking you, but you’re clearly avoiding the subject. Is there something going on with you and Joe?” She could see a flicker of anger spread across his face after he asked his last question, that distrust of Joe coming back into the picture.

“No, it has nothing to do with us,” she lied again. “Will you just drop it?” 

“Look, I just want to make sure you’re okay.” 

“Well, I am,” she answered resolutely. She kept eye contact with him, trying her hardest to get him to drop the subject.

“All right… Well, you know where to find me if you need to talk to anyone about your work stress.” He sounded slightly bitter at her omitting the truth from him.

Cameron just nodded and turned her gaze back to the still flashing computer screen.

“I’ll go find Donna and let her know about your computer.”

She didn’t say anything, just watched him out of her peripheral vision leave her office and shut the door behind him with a quiet click.

Cameron sat back in her chair and looked around the office, tears starting to prickle the back of her eyes. Of all the people in her life, she probably lied to Bos the least, and when she did, he always knew. It only hurt him when she lied about something big in her life, and this time was no different. But she couldn’t tell him the truth about this. Not until she knew what she was going to do. She just couldn’t bear his judgement if she did the opposite of what he wanted.

‘God, girl, will you just make up your mind with this already?’ she thought as she dropped her head into her hands. She shut her eyes tight and clenched her jaw tightly as she thought, for the millionth time, what would be the best thing for her to do with this pregnancy, but like every time she laid out her options, she was left as unsure as before. What was it going to take for her to come to decision on this?

 

* * *

  

Cameron rested her forearms against the toilet and let her head fall down slightly in defeat after she emptied her stomach. Sweat was glistening on her forehead and her body was shaking slightly at the effort it had cost her. She didn’t understand how this alone hadn’t caused her to make a decision. She was getting damn sick of it.

She reached up and flushed the toilet, an action that was becoming all too familiar in the past weeks. Sitting back, she scooted on the floor until she bumped the wall of Joe’s bathroom.

Joe had asked her to come over that night because he wanted to take her to some new restaurant in town. Cameron now regretted ever saying yes to that. She had spent most of the day throwing up. Anytime she get even a bite down, it came right back up, so she gave up on trying to eat after that happened five times. That brief period of absent nausea yesterday when Bos had talked to her, and of course mentioned that she looked better, was apparently just the calm before the storm. At about 3:00 pm she decided she couldn’t handle the nausea much longer, so she left Mutiny and made her way to Joe’s house. She’d managed a short nap which helped…for a while, but here she was now, slumped over on Joe’s spotless bathroom floor.

Something in the back of her mind reminded her that Joe would probably be coming home soon. She tried to stand up, but the nausea that had abated came rushing back and she fell down with a groan. 

‘ _Damn these hormones_ ,’ she thought bitterly. How could she possibly have anything left in her body to throw up anyway?

She heard the front door open and shut just as another powerful wave of nausea had her retching in the toilet again.

She heard Joe’s approaching steps just as she pulled the knob down to flush the toilet again. Wiping her mouth on the back of her hand, she looked up into Joe’s surprisingly angry eyes. 

“I’ve had it with this, Cameron. What’s going on?” he asked with no preamble.

“I told you it’s just—”

“And don’t tell me it’s just the flu. No one has the flu for three weeks.”

Cameron was finally able to push herself up and shakily walked to the sink to wash her hands. She let out a shrug at his statement and briefly looked at her disastrous appearance in the mirror. Turning around, she dried her hands on the hand towel hanging on the hook before she moved past Joe and walked down the hall towards his bedroom, and as she had expected, he turned and followed her. Sitting down on the bed, she picked up the glass of water she had left on the nightstand when she had fallen asleep and chugged it, ignoring the churning it caused in her stomach. 

Setting it down with a thud, she looked anywhere but at Joe. “I don’t think I’m going to be able to go out tonight.” 

He ignored her and moved to stand directly in front of her, bending over and placing his hands on either side of her on the mattress. She had no choice but to look up at him.

“What’s wrong with you, Cameron? And don’t lie to me,” he snapped with a scowl on his face.

She closed her eyes and leaned back to lie on the bed. “Look, can we talk about this later? I’m—” she started but was once again cut off by Joe. 

“No, we are not going to talk about this later. We are going to talk about it now.”

Her eyes opened slightly and she saw him staring daggers at her. She let out another shrug and didn’t say anything.

He pulled back to his full height and his expression suddenly turned almost…fearful. “Is this about that message your doctor left? Is it like _Simon_?” He said the last word so quietly that it was almost a whisper.

This caused Cameron to sit up and finally give him her full attention. “What? Joe, no.”

“Then what is it?”

“It’s not that…” She pulled herself off the bed and tried to make a quick exit out of the room. He cut off her path just as she reached the doorway. _Damn his long legs_.

“Why are you not telling me what’s going on with you? I know we’ve both kept secrets, but this is just crossing the line.”

She stared at a fixed point over his shoulder, not even attempting to dignify any of this with a proper response. He moved closer and disrupted her focal point, but she just moved her gaze to the opposite shoulder.

Just as he sucked in a breath to once again demand an answer from her, another overwhelming wave of nausea hit her and she shoved him out of the way to make it to the bathroom in time. 

Of course, he followed her and she felt him staring her down as she expelled what couldn’t be anything more than bile at this point out of her stomach. 

“Cameron, I’m taking you to the hospital. This has gotten out of hand. I don’t know what kind of masochistic game you’re trying to play with yourself here, but I’m not going to just stand by and watch this happen. And since you won’t tell me what’s wrong with you, we’re going. Come on, get up.” 

He strode into the bathroom and bent over to pick her up by the shoulders. She shrugged out of his grasp and pushed herself roughly into a standing position. The quick action caused blood to rush from her head and she swayed and stumbled slightly until Joe caught her by the shoulders again.

“Get off me. I’m not going to the hospital,” she snapped, more maliciously than she had meant to, but at this point, she didn’t care. Pushing past him, she made her way to his kitchen. She pulled out another glass, filled it with water and rinsed her mouth out; it was no Listerine, but it would have to do for now.

She turned around and saw Joe with his arms crossed and a purely livid expression on his face. Refilling the glass she filed past him, somewhat surprised when he didn’t grab her arm. ‘Why doesn’t this place have more rooms to hide in?’ she thought as she sauntered down the hall.

She sat back down on the edge of the bed and drank the cold water, pretending it would soothe her stomach.

“Is this something that you’ve had in the past?” he asked. He was standing in front of her again and staring down at her with his arms still crossed.

“No,” she replied shortly. He was just not going to let up on this. ‘Well, what did you expect?’ Cameron thought bitterly.

His angry expression disappeared and was replaced again by that look of fear. “Do you…have an eating disorder? I can help you get through this. Just _let me help_.” There was desperation clinging to every word in that last sentence.

Her eyes widened slightly. Was he really going back to these terrible illnesses? “No, Joe. I do not have an eating disorder.”

“Have you been drinking a lot when I’m not around?” Apparently he was going back to them.

“Oh, my god. No, I’m not an alcoholic.” 

‘Can’t drink at all actually, thanks to you,’ she thought with a scowl.

“Then what? Do you have a—”

“Are you seriously going to list off every illness in the book here?” Cameron interrupted him.

“Well, since you’re not going to tell me what’s wrong with you, you’re giving me no choice.”

Cameron rolled her eyes and laid back on the bed, covering her eyes with her hands. She let out an annoyed groan when he started his game of 21 Questions again.

“Do you have a stomach ulcer? I’ve seen you take Tylenol enough.”

“No.” 

“A concussion?”

“No.”

“Food poisoning?”

“No.” She couldn’t even stop her teeth from gritting in irritation at this point.

“Is it something worse than all of this? Is it cancer?” That tinge of fear was back in his voice again.

“Oh, my god. _No_.”

“Then _what is it_?”

“I’m pregnant!” she blurted out, sitting up quickly and looking up at him. Her eyes went wide at her confession; she hadn’t exactly meant to tell him what was wrong with her tonight. She cleared her throat then repeated, “I’m pregnant, okay?”

He didn’t say anything, only stared at her with wide eyes. His mouth hung open slightly and he stood stock-still. 

“Please say something,” Cameron said in a small voice.

“What?” he asked quietly, blinking rapidly. Then all of a sudden he started _laughing_. It was quiet, but it was still a goddamn laugh.

“You’re seriously laughing at this? This isn’t funny, Joe,” she said at him angrily. “Is that really all you’re going to say, ‘What?’ and then just stand there and laugh?” 

“I guess the only thing I can really say is that I’m relieved.”

“ _Relieved_?” she asked, exasperated. Her eyes followed his movements as he sat next to her on the bed.

“I thought there was something seriously wrong with you for weeks, Cameron.” 

“So you think this is _good_ news?” she asked with more bite than she had intended.

“I didn’t say that, but judging from your tone, I’m guessing you don’t think it is.” There was an emotion running across his face that she couldn’t read.

“You could say that again,” she said as she broke eye contact with him and looked out the window.

“How far along are you?”

“About two months. I don’t know exactly.”

He just nodded. “What do you want to do?” he asked her hesitantly, almost like he expected her to come up with the worst possible answer.

“I… I don’t know. I haven’t been able to make up my mind since I found out.” Her gaze dropped to her linked hands in her lap. One of his large ones closed over them, holding them gently. 

She turned slightly to look at his face clearly. The anger that she had expected over the news was not there. In fact, there was almost no expression at all.

“What are you thinking?” she asked him, her voice barely above a whisper. 

His head turned to look out the window before he shut his eyes and let out a soft sigh.

“I’m thinking that what you want to do about this is entirely up to you. I’m not going to pressure you into anything. We’re both adults here, and we can handle whatever happens with this. I’m going to support you with whatever decision you make and I’m going to be with you throughout the whole thing.”

“You don’t have an opinion on this?”

“I do, but what I might want doesn’t matter. I’m not going to let my wants tear apart what we’ve worked so hard to build in this relationship.”

“Your opinion on this is not going to ruin this relationship…” she said, completely puzzled by his answer.

“It could. It might not seem like it now, but if I want the opposite of what you want, nothing good could come from it.”

“And if I choose the opposite of what you want?” she asked, trying to make him see some sense into this bizarre logic he was trying to lay on her. 

“We’ll deal with that when it comes. Again, it doesn’t matter. I’m not the one who has to deal with this physically.”

There was a beat before she said, “I don’t know what to do.” Her voice shook slightly at the admission, tears were prickling the back of her eyes and her hands started trembling.

He squeezed her hands and pressed a kiss to her temple. “I know. We’ll get through this, Cameron. I’ll be with you through all of it. I promise.” 

She swallowed past the lump that was forming in her throat and nodded. “Thank you.”

He leaned forward and brushed his lips softly against hers. A small, understanding smile formed on his face and he pressed his forehead to hers. She gave a wobbly smile back.

This finally felt like a step in the right direction to making a decision on this, but she still had no idea what would push her to make up her mind. Only time would tell, as the saying went. She despised that saying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like the confession to Joe! I had planned on having a Joe POV in this chapter, but that got pushed off to the next one. I thought it was best to keep this chapter mainly focused on the news to him. 
> 
> Comments and kudos are love! <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, SO sorry that this has taken so long to get out. This last month has been a whirlwind of issues for me, so unfortunately, this had to sit on the back burner for a bit.
> 
> But in light of the renewal news, I decided it was time to hammer this out and post it. Here's to season 3!!
> 
> This chapter is dedicated to leepacesnose on Tumblr for being so patient and supportive. Everyone go follow her.

Joe groggily moved his eyes around the room. He turned his head towards the clock on his nightstand and it read ‘6:30 am’. Letting out a long sigh, he irritably thought about the fact that he only had half an hour left before he needed to get up for work.

The warm body pressed up against his arm was starting to bring him more out of his sleep-induced haze. He turned to his side and a small smile graced his face as he looked at Cameron through hooded eyes. Whenever he caught her sleeping, it was like he was watching a completely different person. All of that rage and hatred for the world was gone, replaced instead by calm and peacefulness. He very rarely got to see that side of her when she was awake even though he liked to think he knew her better than almost everyone now, so when he got a few minutes to watch her like this, he always took it. It comforted him, for some strange reason.

But that comfort was suddenly replaced by a slight panic when the events of last night came racing back to him. His eyes widened and his breathing started to grow shallow. He glanced over at Cameron and he couldn’t keep his eyes from drifting from her peaceful face to her stomach. There was nothing to see, of course, but he couldn’t keep the thought out of his head, ‘She’s pregnant. I’m going to be a father.’ Well, maybe.

Children had always seemed like a natural part of life to him, something he didn’t question, he just figured he’d have them at some point. He’d messed around, torn people’s lives apart, and destroyed companies for far longer than most people did, and as a result, he was nearly the only person his age who didn’t have children. It hadn’t really bothered him until a few years back. He didn’t know what what struck this paternal ache in him, but it was there and he’d never been able to shake it. Marrying Sara had made this feel like it was finally going to happen, and while they hadn’t talked about it much, he knew that children were in their imminent future…only they weren’t, and that thought was taken out of his head almost as fast as their relationship had put it in.

His attention came back to Cameron, and he noticed that he was still staring at her flat stomach. He shifted his gaze back up to her face, and almost perceptively, she shifted her head a little towards him.

There had never once been a discussion about children between them, but their relationship was hardly conventional, so it didn’t surprise him. He couldn’t deny that he’d allowed himself to fall into daydreams about a bigger future for them, and yes, they sometimes involved kids, but hell would rot over before he mentioned any of that to her. Or that was until the news from last night.

The brutal truth of it all was starting to surface since she’d told him. He couldn’t deny it, he wanted this baby. Once the initial shock had settled, he felt a strange ease at the thought of being a father.

But Cameron didn’t know what she wanted. Not that he blamed her. She was picky about anything personal disrupting her chaotic work life, and if anything was going to disrupt it, this was it. It had taken her over a year after they had gotten back together to finally accept him into her life on a more intimate level, and she still had issues letting him in. He was honestly surprised that she hadn’t ended the pregnancy and never told him about it, but he wasn’t complaining.

A small part of him regretted telling her that this was all her decision. He would stand beside her, of course, through whatever she chose, but if she decided to get rid of it, he wasn’t sure how he’d handle it. He’d never hold it against her, but he had a feeling it would take him time to come to terms with it, and he didn’t even want to think about what that would do to their relationship. But it was the main reason he’d told her that this decision was entirely hers. He’d be damned if he was going to let their relationship go down as quickly as his relationship had with Sara. This connection he had with Cameron had grown into a sort of life force for him, and if she decided that this baby wasn’t right for her, then so be it.

But if she decided to keep it.

He couldn’t keep the hope from rising in him. He let his hand ghost across her stomach, not daring to actually touch her in case he woke her up. His mind conjured up an image of her holding a faceless blond child, reading to it, and smiling as it spoke sweet words to her. The image shifted to one of himself with the child. It was sitting on his lap, smiling at him before leaning forward and wrapping it’s arms tightly around his neck. A warmth began to spread through him as he pictured this perfect family life.

But was he even worthy of it? If she decided she wanted the baby, did he even deserve a life that happy? He’d never known extended happiness. He’d had it, brief, intense moments of it, but they were gone within the blink of an eye. He wouldn’t let his own child leave his life as easily, so what did that mean for him? Was he even capable of this? That warmth that had been spreading all the way through his long limbs was suddenly doused with ice water.

He’d only known unconditional love for a few years from his mother before his father took her out of his life. How would he even react to having it brought back into his life? He wanted it, he always had, more desperately than anything he’d ever wanted, but how could he let something so pure love him like that?

‘You’re an idiot, MacMillan. She hasn’t even decided what she’s going to do. No use in fretting over it,’ came the too honest voice in his head. He ran his hand over his face and through his hair before letting out a deep sigh.

There was hardly any reason to think too deeply on this now. Those issues and blessings of family life that he had been imagining could all be for nothing. All he could do now was wait for Cameron to make up her mind.

He was startled out of his thoughts when his alarm finally went off. Cameron murmured slightly in her sleep before turning away from him. He groaned and moved to the bathroom, pushing all of that drama out of his head and geared himself up for a day of numbers and figures.

 

* * *

 

Cameron splashed water on her face and looked up into the mirror. Last night’s confession to Joe kept playing on repeat in her head and she’d had to take a break from her computer before she snapped completely and tossed the thing out of the window. She had assumed that telling him would lift a huge weight off her shoulders, but somehow, that wasn’t the case. If anything, she felt more lost than ever before.

What the hell was she supposed to do? She had no idea what Joe’s response was going to be, but it wasn’t _that_. She had expected something closer to anger or maybe even happiness over the news, but his seemingly indifferent attitude was throwing her for a loop.

What did he mean when he’d said that it ‘didn’t matter’ what he thought about this? Where was his stubborn self who would have had a solid opinion and fought tooth and nail to achieve his goal? There wasn’t a trace of it and she honestly didn’t know how to handle it.

With a sigh, she grabbed some paper towels and dried her face and hands before leaving the bathroom to return to her office. Donna spotted her halfway to her destination and rushed up to her with a spring in her step. Cameron was just _so_ not in the mood to deal with happy people right now.

“Hey, Cameron—”

“Not now, Donna. I just can’t talk about the mainframe right now,” Cameron said without looking at her, picking up her pace and hoping Donna would take the hint and leave her alone. Apparently she wasn’t going to, though, because she followed Cameron into her office and took the liberty of shutting the door behind her.

“What’s going on?” Donna’s concerned voice turned Cameron’s stomach. She wasn’t ready to talk about last night, but she knew Donna was going to pry it out of her by the end of the day whether she had a say or not. Might as well bite the bullet, right?

Cameron sat down hard in her chair and stared at the scattered papers on her desk, still not looking Donna in the eye. Letting out a heavy sigh, she shut her eyes and admitted what happened.

“I told Joe last night.”

Donna immediately sat down in the chair across from her and pitched forward, as if she was going to grab Cameron’s hand.

She seemed almost afraid to ask—and Cameron couldn’t blame her. She had been a hot rod of boiling emotions these last few weeks—but her curiosity and concern got the better of her. “What did he say?”

“Nothing. Pretty much nothing.”

“What?” Donna asked confusedly, blinking a few times.

“He threatened to take me to the hospital last night because I couldn’t stop throwing up. When I refused, he tried guessing literally every illness in the book,” Cameron blabbed in a rushed voice. Now that she was relaying the whole event, she found she couldn’t stop. “I just sort of snapped after a while and let it out. And he was _relieved_. Based on the diseases he was listing off, he probably thought what I had was terminal or something, but still, _relieved_. When I said that I didn’t know what I wanted to do, he hardly had a reaction and told me that it was entirely up to me. I tried to get him to tell me what he wanted, but he wouldn’t let up, he just kept saying that it ‘doesn’t matter.’”

“Well, that doesn’t sound like Joe MacMillan at all,” Donna said with a deadpanned face.

“That’s exactly what I thought. I was expecting to have to defend myself or put up a fight, even though I still don’t know what I want, but nothing.”

“But, I mean…isn’t this a good thing? Now you don’t have anyone holding you back from a decision.”

“Yeah, but here’s the thing, when I was trying to get an answer out of him about what he wanted, he said that he wouldn’t tell me because he didn’t want to tear apart this relationship if he wanted what I didn’t. But when I asked him what would happen if I chose what _he_ didn’t want, he just said that it didn’t matter. How can it not matter?” Cameron felt like she had absolutely no filter right now. She couldn’t stomp on the brakes no matter how hard she tried. Over the years, Donna had become rather good at getting her to do this and seemed to relish in it.

Donna shifted in her seat and searched Cameron’s eyes. “I can’t believe I’m going to come in defense of Joe MacMillan here, but maybe, for once in his life, he’s putting someone’s needs before his own? Maybe whatever his opinions on this aren’t as strong as his feelings are for you? I think you mean more to him than you think you do.”

Cameron furrowed her brow at Donna’s out of character response, but she chose to ignore that last sentence. “But what if he wants this and I decide to get rid of it? What then? How can my decision not have the same consequences as his?”

“Are you saying that you’re leaning more towards not keeping it?”

“No!” Cameron said quickly. “No. I still have absolutely no idea what I want. But…” She let out a small scream of frustration and covered her face with her hands. “I guess I was just hoping that his thoughts on this might help me make a choice, but now I feel even more indecisive than ever and I…I just don’t want this to be how it ends between us.” She looked down in her lap at her last words, not wanting to meet Donna’s eyes.

She didn’t talk much about her relationship with Joe to Donna. She knew the basics, but beyond that, Cameron had never mentioned how much their relationship had changed since their first round together. But Donna was intuitive and Cameron hadn’t given her enough credit at first. She had seen all the changes, big and small, and had picked up on it possibly better than even Cameron and Joe had. But that still didn’t change the way Donna felt about him, so talking about how she didn’t want things to end badly with Joe MacMillan was hardly going to make Donna start to like him.

Donna reached forward to grab Cameron’s hand that was resting on the desk and gave her a sympathetic smile. “Hey. You’ll figure this out. It’s not easy, believe me, I’ve been there, but you’ll make a decision.”

Cameron glanced at Donna and gave her a guilty look. She had been unintentionally ignoring the fact that Donna had gone through the exact same thing a couple years ago, and who would know more about this than her?

Donna continued, squeezing Cameron’s hand a little, “And despite how frustrating it is to not have Joe’s opinion, you have him right where you want him. He said that it is your decision. Once again, I can’t believe I’m backing Joe MacMillan here, but I think he means it. Do I think if you choose the opposite of what he wants that it won’t cause some issues? No. But he seems more than willing to work through it from what you told me. And my feelings about him aside, he cares about you a lot and I don’t think he wants to lose you like last time.”

Cameron swallowed the lump that had been forming in her throat before murmuring, “I just wish I knew what he wanted.”

“I know, and maybe when you still haven’t come up with a decision in a week or so, you can tell him that you need to know. It’s not out of line. You didn’t make this baby yourself.”

Blinking away the tears that were threatening to fall, Cameron looked around the room, at loss for words. Why couldn’t someone make a decision for her? She’d never been good at following orders, but hell, this might be the first time she’d obey every command.

Letting out a bitter laugh, she echoed her thoughts, “I wish you could just tell me what to do about this since I clearly can’t make up my mind.”

“I know, but unfortunately, life isn’t that kind. I think what you really need to do is weigh out the good and the bad with this. As corny as it sounds, maybe write a pros and cons list?”

Cameron rolled her eyes, but let out a smile. “I’ll just—yeah, I’ll give it a try.”

With concern etched all over her face, Donna said, “And maybe you should take a couple days off work? It might help.”

“No, no. I can’t take off work. We’re already sliding as it is. I can’t just up and leave.”

“Okay. No one would hold it against you if you did, you know? We just want what’s best for you, Cameron.”

This comment gave Cameron pause. “Can you not mention any of this to Gordon, by the way? I just don’t need any of this getting around yet...”

“Of course, but I am going to warn you that I think Bos might be onto you. He’s cornered me a couple times about what’s wrong with you. And remember, he’s the one who discovered my secret.”

She let out a groan at Donna’s admission. “I just…I can’t tell him until I know what I’m going to do. My gut tells me that he’d want me to keep it and if I decide otherwise…”

Donna gave her a small smile. “I know. He loves you like a daughter. He’s probably expecting a whole herd of grandchildren soon.”

Cameron rolled her eyes again and gave out her first real laugh, albeit a quiet one. “Yeah, yeah. What did you want to tell me about the mainframe, by the way?” Talking with Donna had cleared her head a bit and she felt somewhat tasked to deal with the mainframe drama.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s nothing important.” Donna paused before saying, “But Cameron, you _will_ figure this out. I’m here for you and despite what you think about Joe right now, he’s here for you. We both are. Just know that you’re not alone, okay?”

Cameron nodded and Donna reached over the desk again to squeeze her hand again before getting up and walking to the door.

“Donna?” She turned right as she reached the door. “Thanks for everything. I really appreciate it.”

She gave Cameron a smile before leaving the office and shutting the door behind her with a soft click.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a TON happened in this chapter. I had a lot more written, but it was getting too long, so I decided to cut it and post what I had. Good news is that I should have the next chapter up VERY soon! I hope you guys enjoyed this!
> 
> Reviews and kudos are love!


	5. Chapter 5

Cameron came home from work that night exhausted. Even though her personal issues seemed to be taking over her life, she had somehow managed to get on a roll with her coding and didn’t even notice that it was after 8:00 pm until she stretched in her chair and just happened to glance at the clock. Her body seemed to come down from its high and stepped into reality because her stomach gave an angry growl and warned her that it was time to get out of there. She had been shocked that her nausea hadn’t been bothering her much that day, so she took it as a good sign that maybe she could actually stomach some real food.

She walked into the living room and jolted with surprise when she saw Joe sitting on her couch going over his usual work-related papers. It wasn’t out of place for him to just turn up at her apartment whenever he wanted, but after what she had told him last night, she’d expected him to bolt and avoid her. Maybe Donna was right about him?

“Hey,” she said hesitantly.

He looked up at her as though he was just now noticing she’d come home. “Oh, hey.” He paused for a second and looked her up and down before asking, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just tired. And hungry. I didn’t even realize how late it was until thirty minutes ago.”

“I got Chinese. I’m not sure if you can eat any of it, but I got you something anyway.”

“Right. Thanks. I’ll try it,” she said. There was another awkward pause, but this time it dragged on. She didn’t want to wait until he started talking again, so she turned into the kitchen and opened the fridge to dig out the takeout. She opened one of the boxes and the smell of it didn’t send her racing for the bathroom, which surprised her, but she didn’t question it. She ladled some lo mein onto a plate, stuck it in the microwave and watched it spin around.

Apparently she’d zoned out because she jumped slightly when the microwave stopped and started beeping. She pulled the plate out and cautiously took a bite. She was even more surprised that it hadn’t triggered her gag reflex and soon began shoveling it in her mouth in light of how hungry she was.

She could feel Joe’s presence before he was actually near her, but she feigned ignorance and didn’t turn her head to look at him, just continued inhaling her food.

“It’s good to see you eating something. Let’s hope it stays down this time,” he let out a cautious laugh at his joke which earned him a glare.

He stood there, watching her and not saying anything, and it was starting to set her on edge. Were things always going to be this awkward after last night?

Once she finished eating, she rinsed off her plate and stuck in the dishwasher. All the while, Joe’s eyes trailed her every move. Opening the refrigerator door, she put the leftovers away and dug out a can of orange soda.

Just as she was about to crack it open, Joe interrupted her. “Are you sure you should be drinking that?”

Sending him another glare, she put the can back in the fridge and slammed the door. She brushed past him without saying anything.

He followed her like she expected he would. “Look, I’m not trying to be an asshole about this, but I don’t want you to get sick or anything.”

“Whatever, Joe,” she replied, walking into her room. She toed off her shoes and and kicked them into the corner next to the closet. She could feel Joe’s eyes tracking her every move again and she felt her anger and irritation continue to rise.

“Is there something that you wanted?” she snapped in a harsher tone than she meant.

Joe opened and closed his mouth a couple times before saying, “I—it’s nothing. Nevermind.” He seemed unusually fidgety and was avoiding eye contact with her. She stared at him with a puzzled look before giving up on getting him to say anything else and moved past him to the bathroom. A shower seemed like a decent reprieve from this awkwardness.

She had been completely wrong, though.

The tension was still palpable through the walls of the bathroom and every nerve in her body was begging her to tell him to just leave so she wouldn’t have to deal with this, but she knew that wasn’t an option for her right now. This whole situation was something she’d have to face sooner rather than later and she needed to smooth some of it out before it did something to their already fragile relationship.

She stepped out of the bathroom after drying herself off and went back into her bedroom in search of some relatively clean clothes. Joe must have gone back to his work because he had vacated the room and it gave her an uplifting sense of relief before she had to bite the bullet and talk to him.

Sure enough, when she eventually walked down the hall and peered around the corner, he was back on the couch, scribbling notes on a pad of paper. His earlier fidgety and strange behavior was gone and he was back to his usual self, but that was hardly surprising considering he was at his most confident when he surrounded himself with work, not unlike herself.  

Cameron stared at him for a couple minutes before finally rounding the corner and coming into his line of sight. He immediately noticed her and he had hesitation written all over him. He clearly wasn’t going to be the first one to talk again.

“Hey, I’m sorry I snapped at you earlier,” she started slowly while crossing her arms defensively. “This is just really overwhelming and with everything going on at work, I... I’m having a hard time coming to terms with this, and I guess it’s showing. This is all so out of my control, and I just…I don’t know how to handle any of it.” Her gaze wandered off to the side as she finished her sentence, suddenly self-conscience at what she just admitted.

Joe put down his papers on the coffee table in front of him and turned towards her. The weariness had melted into a look of concern as he took in her appearance.

“I know you don’t. I don’t think either of us know how to handle this, but we still have to face it as best as we can.” He paused before taking a breath and adding, “I’m just worried about you, Cameron.”

“You don’t need to be. Nothing is wrong with me—well, besides the obvious. I’ll probably be a lot better once I actually come up with a decision, but I just…” She trailed off because even she didn’t believe what she was saying.

“Come here,” Joe said, holding his hand out to her. She took it and he gently pulled her onto the couch to sit next to him. He put his arm around her shoulders and squeezed them.

“I meant everything I said last night,” he murmured into her hair. “I’m here for you, no matter what you decide, and I’ll be here for you afterwards. Everything will be fine, but don’t shut me out when something _is_ wrong.”

Cameron nodded her head. She felt his lips brush the top of her head and she sighed at the touch, relaxing for the first time since she came home.

“I felt better today, for the first time in weeks. I’m not holding my breath over it lasting tomorrow, though.”

His laugh stirred her hair before he pressed another kiss to her head. He pulled back slightly but kept his arm around her.

“What are you doing anyway?” she asked, gesturing at the papers scattered across the table, wanting to change the subject to something not pregnancy-related.

“I’ve been trying to close a deal with another company, but they’re being obtuse about everything. I’m figuring out if we can afford to go with another rival company of theirs, but it’s a steep price difference.”

“God, I’m so glad I don’t actually spend most of my time doing stuff like this…”

“Yeah, you coerce people like Bosworth into doing it for you.”

“Shut up,” she said as she playfully pushed him away from her. He pulled her back towards him and she let him, leaning against him and wrapping her arms around his waist. There were a few minutes before either of them said anything, just reveling in each other’s touch.

“Everything will be fine, Cameron. I promise, it will be,” he repeated what he’d said earlier with sincerity ringing through every word.

Putting his hand under her chin, he tipped her face up and brushed his lips softly against hers. She sought out more relief in his touch, so she tilted her head and deepened the kiss, which he happily returned. After a few moments, she smiled and pressed one more kiss against his mouth before moving her head back to his chest.

As calm as she felt in moments like this one and last night, she knew this wasn’t going to last. It was only a matter of time before one of them snapped and this peace they had drawn would be broken.

 

* * *

  

Cameron walked into the mainframe room to see Donna, as usual, working tirelessly, and Gordon standing behind her, staring intently at something in the unit. Donna must have noticed the movement out of the corner of her eye because she looked at Cameron with a hint of enthusiastic madness in her eyes. ‘Oh, this cannot be good…’ Cameron thought.

“We have news!” Donna began excitedly. Gordon backed up to lean against a table behind them. “It _has_ to be a piece in the control unit. We’ve been running stress tests on everything and I think we’re seeing a weak spot. Replacing the whole control unit is going to put us back a few thousand dollars, but that’s nothing compared to finding a new mainframe.”

Cameron turned her gaze to Gordon to get a second opinion on what could just be overexcitement on Donna’s part. He seemed to understand the underlying question because he pushed up his glasses and stood up straight.

“Yeah, there seems to be some sort of malfunctioning piece in the control unit, but it would take too long to pull it apart and find the problem piece,” Gordon said, while gesturing at the metal tower.

“We definitely do not have the time to do that,” Cameron immediately agreed.

“It’s probably going to cost us at least four grand to replace it, but I think it will be worth it,” Gordon added, echoing Donna’s words.

“Is any of it covered under a warranty?” Cameron asked, hoping they could be spared

“That’s what I was thinking. I can call the company we bought the control unit from soon. Do you still have our papers from them?”

“Uh, yeah, they should be in one of the cabinets in my office. I’ll get them in a few minutes. Are we absolutely positive this is the only issue with it? I mean, when I first showed it to you, you did call it a ‘rickety old diesel boat,’ Donna,” Cameron said.

“Yeah, I know, but we really don’t think it’s anything else,” Donna said with a side glance at Gordon, who nodded in confirmation. “But we need to buy this as soon as possible because while it’s still working most of the time, who knows when this thing will completely die out.”

“Okay. We’ll get a hold of the company once we look at the papers. I can’t remember anything about a warranty on it, but it’s worth a try.”

“I think so, too. Is there something you wanted, by the way?”

“Uh, I just wanted to talk to you in private, but if you guys are busy…”

“No, it’s fine!” Donna turned to Gordon and said, “I’ll talk with you about this later, okay?”

“Sure,” Gordon said, as he eyed Cameron suspiciously and walked out of the mainframe room and shut the door behind him.

“Have you told him anything?” Cameron asked, rounding on Donna accusingly.

“No! I swear I haven’t said a word to anyone, Cameron! What did you want to talk about?” Donna closed the mainframe doors and turned in her seat to give Cameron her full attention.

Cameron crossed her arms self-consciously and stared at the ground. “The usual, I guess. You know, hoping you would help me come up with a decision, that sort of thing.”

“Still not close to making up your mind?”

“No… What’s wrong with me, Donna? This shouldn’t be taking me this long…”

“Oh, Cameron. I think you’re just afraid of what the future will hold for both decisions, which is completely normal. There’s nothing wrong with you. Have you asked Joe again about what he wants?”

“No, there’s no point. He’s not going to answer me.”

“Has he said this?”

“Oh, come on, Donna. You know Joe. He’s not going to suddenly stop being stubborn over something as big as this.” Cameron rolled her eyes, but more so at Joe’s headstrong ways than what Donna had just said to her.

“How long do you have to decide?”

“About three weeks.”

“I hate to say this, but I think you need to come up with a decision before that deadline makes the decision for you.”

Cameron groaned loudly and rubbed her face with her hands.

“What’s keeping you on the fence? I don’t mean to be so blunt, but the old Cameron I knew wouldn’t have thought too hard about this. But you’re not twenty-two anymore and you’re in a much better place. Do you know what’s making you so indecisive?”

Of course Cameron knew the answer. It wasn’t just that she was finally more stable career-wise, but she had finally settled into a place of trust and respect with Joe. It was to the point now that she could hardly imagine being with anyone else again, despite their still present issues. She couldn’t stop herself from wondering if all of this was _supposed_ to happen.

But then, maybe it wasn’t. His last relationship had lasted longer than theirs and that had hardly ended well. Was this trust all just a belated honeymoon phase and was it bound to go south like it always seemed to go between them? She loved him, but she wasn’t sure if she was willing to gamble away her future on their relationship.

“I think it’s just the _what ifs_ that keep going through my head,” Cameron finally answered. “What if this and what if that? I can never come to a conclusion. This is all so far out of my element that I don’t even know how to approach it. I can’t just type in an equation and get a definitive answer, and that’s driving me nuts.”

“I know, and there will never be a definitive answer for things like this, unfortunately. Have you seen Joe at all since you told him?”

“Yeah, he was at my apartment when I came home last night and seemed pretty…normal. It was strange. I have no idea what to make of his reaction to this.”

“Who knows with Joe MacMillan,” Donna said, trying to lighten up the mood.

“I’m guessing you don’t know how to decipher that? That was probably my main reason for coming to talk to you.”

“Ha, no. He’s hard to read at the best of times and he’s very different from the average person. Besides, aren’t you the coder here?”

Cameron rolled her eyes again and laughed at Donna’s quip. “Yeah, yeah. I must seem like a broken record to you, complaining about the same thing over and over again.”

“No, you’re just confused, and you have a right to be. If talking to me helps you work this out, then I’m more than happy to listen.”

“Thank you,” Cameron said sincerely. “All right. Well, enough of this. I’ll go try to find those papers and see if we can get those assholes to cover this thing under warranty. I’ll use my charm on them to force them to do it.”

Donna let out a loud laugh. “No, I’ll do the talking! Just find me the papers.”

“Yes, mom.” Cameron gave Donna a fond and appreciative smile before leaving the mainframe room. 

 

* * *

 

_Two weeks later_

Joe eyed Cameron angrily from across the room from his place on the couch. She was sitting on the floor of his apartment with her headphones on, bobbing her head slightly to the music and working amongst papers that were spread around her. It seemed like she was completely oblivious to his stare and to the elephant in the room. Hell, the elephant that had been following them everywhere they went. The one that followed him when he was alone, too.

That was enough. He had waited long enough for her to make a decision on this. He couldn’t keep imagining what was going to happen, he needed an answer.

“Cameron,” he called out sharply to her. Her music was apparently too loud because she didn’t give any notion that she had heard him.

“Cameron,” he said again, louder this time. She finally heard him and lowered her headphones. His anger must have showed on his face more than he thought because her expression changed from innocent to guarded as soon as she focused on him.

“What?” she asked hesitantly. She took her headphones off completely and moved them to her side.

“I need an answer,” he said quickly, his anger barely masked.

“About what-” He cut her off before she could even register fake confusion on her face.

“You know damn well what this is about, Cameron,” he said, getting to his feet. “What are you going to do? And don’t say ‘I don’t know’ because I’ve had enough of those three words these last two weeks.”

She searched his face for a moment, clearly surprised at his outburst, before closing her eyes. “I don’t know, Joe. I really don’t know.”

“Then you need to decide on something. This isn’t just your life that you’re dealing with here. This involves me as much as it does you. I’m giving you free reign to do what you want to with this, but I can’t wait forever for an answer.”

She stood up suddenly and looked up at him. “I’m sorry, you’re _giving_ me free reign? This is my decision, as you’ve made very clear! This is my body and I’m the one that’s going to have to deal with this! If I choose to keep it, you’re not going to be there. You’re going to pretend like none of this ever happened and leave me high and dry with a kid to haul around that you send occasional birthday cards to. And who’s to say the same wouldn’t happen if I choose not to keep it?”

Joe stood shocked for a moment. He honestly could not believe the words coming out of her mouth. She had a quick temper these days, but this was something else entirely. Once he regained some composure, anger came flooding back.

“Do you really think so low of me? Do you really think I wouldn’t be involved in this kid’s life?” His voice was rising to a shout and he was powerless to stop it. “You might have issues with trusting me in the past, but that should not have anything to do with this baby.”

“I think it has everything to do with this. I’ve never been able to trust you with something as important in my life as my career, so why would this be any different?”

“Because it’s a human being, Cameron! We’re not talking about business transactions or technology mishaps here. This is something that you and I created!” Joe took a deep, calming breath and closed his eyes. It took him a few moments to continue, this time in a quieter voice. He drilled her with his stare. “I’m not going to stop you, regardless of which choice you make. Just know that I will be there every step of the way. Yes, Cameron, even if you decide to keep the baby. And yes, even if you don’t, I will be there for all of it, as I’ve said many times before.”

She blinked a few times and swallowed, comprehending his words. Then her composure fell. “What do you want me to do, Joe?” she finally said in a small voice, completely different from the one she’d just used.

“I told you, Cameron, it’s your decision. You make the call.”

“But what do _you_ want? Do you want this baby or not? I can’t make this choice on my own. I _can’t_ ,” she said, her voice cracking on the last word.

“Cameron…”

“ _Please_ , Joe. I need to know what you want.”

He stared at her, opened his mouth and closed it. He couldn’t find the words to describe what he wanted. If she didn’t want this baby and he pressured her into it, it would put a dent in their healing relationship like nothing had before. He knew this was the case, so he needed her to make this choice on her own, regardless of what he wanted.

“My opinion on this doesn’t matter right now. What you need to think about is what _you_ want. Can you handle your decision? If you decide to keep the baby, can you deal with this pregnancy? You’re already sick and miserable, can you keep doing that for seven months? Can you make time for the appointments and slowing down your career near the end? How about when the baby is born? Will you be able to put up with everything that comes with being a parent for eighteen years? This isn’t something you can take lightly.”

Anger had been growing rapidly on her face since he had started talking, but now it was full-blown fury. “I—” she began but he cut her off with a louder voice.

“And if you don’t decide to keep it, what then? Will you regret your decision seven months from now when it was supposed to be born? Will you hate yourself for it or be completely fine? These are the things you need to be asking yourself, Cameron. Things that I can’t answer for you.”

“So all of this is on me?” He could practically see the steam coming out of her ears now. “You didn’t think to ask _yourself_ any of these questions? I’m the one who has to bare this burden entirely on my own? I didn’t ask for any of this to happen, Joe. The least you could do is tell me what you were thinking instead of laying into me what an awful person I am.”

“Cameron, you are twisting everything that I just said. This has nothing to do with you—”

“You know what? Just forget it, Joe.” She abruptly turned around and bent down to gather her work off the ground. She violently started shoving the pens and papers in her backpack and avoided eye contact with him as she did so. Swinging the bag over her shoulder, she marched towards the front door.

“Where are you going?” he asked her as she reached for the doorknob. He was suddenly desperate to keep her near him.

“Where does it look like I’m going? I’m going home.” She unlocked the door and yanked it open.

His long legs took him to the door in four strides. He slammed it shut and looked down at her as she rounded on him.

“Are you kidding me? Let me go, Joe.”

“No. We need to talk about this.”

“Oh, I think we’ve done enough talking about this.” She shoved him roughly to the side and pulled the door open again. “I need to think this over. I’ll see you later.”

He barely saw her leave before the door slammed in his face.

 

* * *

 

Cameron barged into her apartment with enough force for the door to rattle on its hinges. Tears kept streaking down her face no matter how many times she wiped them away, and she could only blame it on hormones for so long.

She went into her room and threw her backpack on the ground. She spun around and saw her reflection in the mirror on the opposite wall. It took her by surprise to see this broken person, who just a month ago had been doing so well in nearly every aspect of her life.

“Why is this happening to me?” she shouted in a tear-strained voice. Picking up a glass from the nightstand, she threw it at the wall beside the mirror and watched it shatter and splinter the floor. She stumbled back into the wall and slid down it, her sobs coming out in full-force now.

What was she going to do? It had been something that had stayed at the forefront of her mind since the day she found out the news. Joe acted as though she was treating this like she was trying to decide if she should get a hamster or not. He couldn’t understand the sleepless nights and the issues at work this had caused her. The whole reason she had told him about the baby in the first place was so he would give her a solution, but all that she had gotten was his unwavering support in making her own decision with this, which was absolutely the last thing she needed.

Taking a few shuddering breaths, she stood up and went to her bed. Not even bothering to remove her clothes, she just kicked off her shoes and climbed under the sheets. She stared at the ceiling as she thought of Joe’s words from earlier. He was right about everything and that’s what made her so mad. These were just things she had asked herself but still couldn’t bring herself to answer.

The phone rang loudly from the living room, but she didn’t move to answer it, she had a good feeling who it was and had no desire to talk to that person or really anyone. Three more rings sounded through the apartment until the answering machine finally kicked on, and low and behold, it was exactly who she thought it would be.

“Cameron, pick up the phone. I know you’re there. We need to talk this over. This isn’t something we can solve if you’re ignoring me. Cameron? Cameron…. Okay, what I said was…out of line. I should have given you an answer. Just come back over here, please? I know what I want and I’ll tell you, but I need you to come back.” There was a slight pause before the message ended.

Cameron hadn’t stopped her staring contest with the wall, but her insides churned with hatred at the voice that she had just heard. ‘Oh, so now he has an answer for me?’ she thought. She wasn’t about to drag herself over to his place and ask him to tell her. She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction until she had made up her mind on what she wanted to do with this baby.

Her thoughts drifted again to what he had said earlier. Could she handle having a baby? She knew next to nothing about children and her own mother was hardly an ideal role model for the position. It was hardly a treat to envision the next seven months of her life. She would be bombarded with doctors’ appointments, hormones, a slowing career, and if things were going as they were now, a never-ending string of vomit. But this wasn’t going to be just a full nine months of misery, as Joe had said. She’d have to raise this child. She’d have to take care of it for eighteen years, something that she honestly never thought she would face, and just the thought of it terrified her. Was any of this even worth the trouble? Would her work suffer from having a child? She had seen Donna do it with two daughters, but she was hardly a Donna and never would be. Cameron had no idea how to do what Donna did so seamlessly with her personal and professional life, but she was also brought back to two years ago when she had taken Donna to the clinic to end her own unexpected pregnancy.

If Cameron went through with not having this baby, would she regret it? Would she think about it everyday or would she put it behind her immediately? If she ever had children later in life, would she spend every waking moment wondering what it would be like if this baby was there? ‘But a baby would derail your entire career,’ the voice in the back of her head said. She couldn’t have that. She had worked too damn hard to get to where she was today, to be as strong as she was. She wasn’t about to become her mother. Getting rid of this baby would ease tensions with everyone she was involved with. Maybe she would enjoy life more than ever and realize how free she was without the extra weight of a child holding her back. Joe would see the positives of all of this, she was sure of it. He was finally rebuilding his life to something he had always wanted it to be. Having a child would ruin his progress. He was right when he said that it wasn’t just her life she was dealing with here, she had to imagine how this would affect him.

And yet, she couldn’t stop the image that was forming in her mind of Joe holding a child. The smile that would spread across his face whenever that child ran towards him. Him trying everything in his power to be nothing like his own father. She imagined herself with that same child. Her teaching the child how to use computers and play video games. That child climbing in her lap during a bad storm. And her also trying everything in her power to be nothing like her own mother. She imagined all three of them together, just enjoying each other’s company. She couldn’t deny that she wanted all of those things, as sappy as it was. She wanted that family. But was it even realistic? She and Joe had been plagued with problems from the start and a child was hardly going to solve those issues. But it would bring something entirely new to their lives, and maybe this new thing was exactly what they needed.

As Donna had said, there wasn’t going to be a definitive answer. This wasn’t something that was black and white. Both answers were swimming in gray and there were going to be pros and cons for both, it was just a matter of which ones she was would be happier with.

Cameron finally knew what she wanted, and for once, didn’t care about the consequences. Throwing back the covers, she roughly wiped the last of her tears away with the back of her hands, grabbed her keys and backpack, and rushed out of the apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just going to stop making promises for when the next chapters will be up because I obviously cannot hold myself to them, hahaha. I'm trying to start up freelancing in web development, so my next chapter probably won't be up much faster than this one, but I'll try my best!
> 
> My knowledge on mainframes is limited, to say the least, so I hope I wasn't off by too much with what I was talking about. Apologies to any hardware people reading this!
> 
> I hope you liked this chapter! It's longer than my usual ones, but hopefully that's okay since it took me a million years to upload. The decision is in the next chapter! Probably won't be a huge shock to any of you, but it's not the entire focus of the story.
> 
> Comments and kudos are love! <3
> 
> I'm paceofbase on Tumblr if you want to come bother me ;)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really have NO excuse for how late this is, to be honest. I think the main reason is I've never written something like this before, so I kept avoiding it until it drove me so insane that I had to finish it. I've also just started a year-long working holiday in New Zealand, and I'd been planning and working a lot to save up money for it. Currently, I'm unemployed, so hopefully I'll have some spare time to write more while I search for a job! Well, I really hope you like this chapter! It's definitely been the hardest one I've had to write.
> 
> As a note, I had to move the rating from Mature to Explicit with this chapter. Hope this doesn't deter anyone.

Joe dialed Cameron’s number for what must have been the thirtieth time. Still no answer on her line, which didn’t surprise him in the slightest, but it had him rocking back and forth anxiously, afraid that she would do something rash. He had been an asshole, he knew it, but her prolonged indecision on the topic had thrown him over the edge and it all came tumbling out of his mouth before he could really stop it. He was now seriously regretting how he had played out this entire situation and let it be ‘her decision’, as he had so eloquently put it. He should have just told her that he wanted the damn kid and hoped for the best. At least if she had been mad about his answer, it would have been for a much better reason than this.

Now he had absolutely no idea what she would do. She was erratic and volatile at best when she was angry or upset, and it had been a very long time since he’d seen her this mad. He had the urge to call Donna or some of her coder friends to see if she had turned up at their houses because his hope was waning thin on whether he’d actually talk to or see her in the near future.

The thought that she would decide what to do without at least telling him first had his stomach clenching in fear and was starting to trigger a migraine. She wouldn’t really get rid of the baby without telling him…would she? They had been through a few rough patches to say the least, but they had somehow, eventually worked them out. This had to be the same. They would talk this through before it was too late and they’d reach a conclusion together. But even as he repeated this last thought in his head over and over, he was filled with more doubt than ever before.

‘If you weren’t such a consistent, goddamn failure maybe this wouldn’t have happened, MacMillan,’ he thought viciously.

He yanked the receiver up again, dialed her number, and listened to the four rings before her voicemail warned him once more that she was ignoring him. Not even bothering to hang up the phone, he just hit the hook and began violently punching in her number again. He was so busy listening to the ringing that he didn’t even hear the front door open, only aware of it when it was slammed shut and caused him to jump.

“Joe?” Cameron’s frantic voice came from the living room. 

He quickly put the phone back on the receiver, jumped off the bed at the sound of her voice, and sprinted out of the room towards her. She was wide-eyed and anxious-looking, making him think that those thoughts of her doing something rash had become a reality.

“What’s wrong?” he asked her unsteadily as he looked her up and down.

“Nothing. I—,” but he abruptly cut her off after hearing that reassuring first word pop out of her mouth.

“You came back,” he said quietly, speaking the obvious, but it meant more to him to him than she could have fathomed.

“Yeah,” she responded in a strained voice.

“Cameron, listen, I’m sorry.” He took a step closer to her. “I shouldn’t have snapped at you, it wasn’t right. I just… I’ll tell you what I want, just don’t go.”

He pleaded with his eyes, hoping that she would stand there and hear him out; she didn’t have to like it, she just needed to listen. Cameron didn’t say anything, just continued to stare at him with those panicked, large blue-green eyes as if she wanted to do anything else bur stay quiet and listen to him. He half expected her to bolt out of the apartment and never return, but finally, she nodded her head.

After letting out an almost inaudible sound of relief, he suddenly found that he had no idea what to say or where to even start. She shouldered off her backpack and silently waited for him to speak. 

Swallowing hard, he took another step towards her. “I doubt that what I want will sway your decision or will even matter to you, but—” 

“Wait, Joe, I—I need to say something,” she interjected him hurriedly. “I think you should sit down.”

She looked more nervous than he’d ever seen her, her eyebrows were knitted together and she was wringing her hands. It was to the point that he honestly wouldn’t be too shocked if she vomited based on the way she looked right now, though he was one to talk. Her interruption had him teetering on the edge of a nervous breakdown because he had a feeling he knew what this was going to be about, and it wasn’t going to be good.

Staring at her with what he was sure was blatant concern, he turned around and walked over to the couch. He took a deep breath, sat down slowly, and braced his hands against his knees, waiting for her declaration.

Cameron opened and closed her mouth a few times before she disconnected her hands and shakily ran one of them through her hair. Letting out a hesitant and humorless laugh, she finally started talking in a quiet voice. 

“I’ve been thinking about this nonstop since I found out I was pregnant. You and Donna are the only ones who know, and both of you have told me over and over that it’s my decision, no matter how many times I begged you guys to give me your opinions. Donna was the first one to tell me that none of this was black and white, either choice I made was a gray area and no matter how much I hated it, that’s how it was going to be.” She paused and went back to wringing her hands nervously. She had been avoiding his gaze since she had told him to sit down and she didn’t seem encouraged to look up anytime soon.

“I think I’ve known that the whole time, but I didn’t want to look at all sides of both choices. I had thought about all these things separately, but I didn’t want to think about them together. I wanted to be able to call it a day with a clear-cut answer, but I could never come up with one.” She paused again and folded her arms, as though shielding herself from him. He felt a sting of hurt at the gesture, as unintentional as she had meant it to be, but before he could think on it anymore, she continued.

“What you said, as much as I didn’t want to hear it, forced me to actually piece together what I had been thinking about for the few weeks. I’ve looked at it from all ends and I knew I had to make up my mind before time made it up for me.”

At this point, he knew she had made a final decision on this and he felt his stomach turning at what she was about to tell him. What would happen if they chose opposite of what the other wanted? Would their relationship that they’d worked so long to build come tumbling down after all of this? He swallowed hard at the thoughts rolling through his head and the worry that was spread across his face remained there. 

“I honestly have no idea what you want, and I think that’s what’s been keeping me from actually deciding, and the fact that you won’t tell me has made me put it off for even longer. We’ve fought so hard to get to where we are in our relationship and I don’t want to destroy all of that based on one choice.” Echoing his own thoughts, her words sent a chill down his spine as though she could actually read his mind.

“I know what I want now, but I’m so afraid that this will be the end of all of this. I just—I love you, and I wish none of this had ever happened so it could stay this way, but that’s stupid to say because neither of us can change this…”

Joe’s heart was pounding so loudly at her words that he was sure she could hear it. Her eyes were shiny with unshed tears, but she still had yet to look at him during her entire speech, which was so incredibly unlike her that it unnerved him to the bone. She was about to tell him and he childishly almost wanted to tell her that he didn’t want to hear it, that he couldn’t handle the news, but his tongue was glued to the roof of his mouth, so even if he had wanted to say that, there was no way that he could have.

Cameron finally turned her eyes towards his own and searched them. She squeezed hers shut tightly for a couple seconds and opened them again, seemingly pleading with him to say something so she wouldn’t have to reveal her decision, but they both knew that she was the one who had to lay this to rest.

Keeping her eyes glued to his, she finally told him, “I want to keep the baby. I’m probably not ready for it, and I doubt I’ll ever be, but I just feel like I need this. It’s what’s right for me.”

He barely even registered her words before his body acted of its own accord. Standing up quickly, he took one long stride towards her before grabbing her face in both of his hands and fiercely pressing his lips against hers. She didn’t move at first, startled by his sudden reaction, but he soon felt her softening against him and returning the kiss with as much affection. Her previously folded arms moved to his chest as she grabbed the front of his shirt, and she tilted her head to deepen the kiss.

She wanted the baby, she was keeping it. He couldn’t keep the montage from running through his head again and again, and he found he didn’t want it to stop. Very few things actually went his way entirely, and he had thought this would be no exception. How wrong he had been. 

Once they both felt dizzy enough, he broke the kiss and his wide smile reappeared, his hands still cradling her face. 

“You want this, this whole thing.” It wasn’t so much of a question that she was asking as it was a statement, just reiterating what his kiss had already told her.

He smiled broadly and laughed. “I do, I really do.”

Cameron’s eyes were still glistening with tears, but he doubted he looked much better. The telltale prickle of tears was burning the back of his eyes and his heart was still pounding loudly, but this time it wasn’t out of fear, but out of excitement, relief, and joy. They both wanted this baby. They were both going to be parents and it sent a thrill up his spine and all the way to the ends of his fingers and toes. He felt giddy with sheer happiness.

Smiling back just as brightly at him, Cameron tilted her head and kissed him with more fervor than the previous one. More than happy to oblige, he moved his lips against hers and nudged his tongue against her mouth, begging for entrance. She didn’t hesitate in the slightest, wanting his touch as much as he needed hers.

Joe trailed his hand down her back and pulled her closer until they were standing chest to chest. All the while, he sucked at her bottom lip and left a gentle nip, which drew out an almost inaudible moan from the back of her throat.

They continued to share exploratory and meaningful kisses until she drew back with a shuddering breath and looked at him with amazement like he was the only person in the world who mattered. With warmth spreading through his veins at her stare, he leant forward and brushed his lips against hers before he ducked his head to trail kisses along her jaw and down to her neck. However, when he reached the base, he suddenly slowed his pace. He wanted to take this at a different speed in light of the news, to really revel in all of this, to let her know how grateful he was for her decision. He wanted to make this about her.

Cameron tilted her head more to the side, apparently unimpressed with how slowly he was kissing, but it didn’t deter him in the slightest. Mouthing along her neck and jaw, he took his time as he reveled in the heat and taste of her skin. Her hands had slid down from his chest and to the belt loops of his pants, dragging his hips forward and impatiently grinding against them. He stiffened slightly at the movement, but pretended that it didn’t effect him. There would be more than enough time for that later.

He kissed her lips once more before pulling apart and murmuring, “Come on.”

Joe grabbed her hand and pulled her down the hallway towards his room. Their usual approaches to either of their bedrooms was met with a foray of hurried, passionate kisses and heated touches before they even made it to the doorway. It was rare that they took the time to feel and explore every part of the other’s body, and each time it happened, he always wondered why they didn’t do it more often. They were both carnal by nature, but sometimes that wasn’t enough, and tonight that was definitely true.

As they walked into the room, Cameron turned around and looked at him. Gone was the previous irritation at his pace; she seemed to have picked up on what he was trying to do. He smiled at her and closed the distance between them, once again taking her face between his hands and pressing a sweet kiss to her full lips.

Joe moved his hands to her waist and slowly began to guide her towards the bed. When the back of her knees hit the mattress, she fell back softly and pushed herself onto her elbows to get a better look at him. Her smile was light and full of an air that was still too infrequent in their relationship, despite how many happy moments had passed between them in the last couple of years. She inched her way up the length of the bed and rested her head against the pillow, starring at him expectedly. Following suit, he climbed over her and pressed his weight against her, gently nudging her thighs apart with his knee.

Joe bent down and kissed her again, but his time it was Cameron whose tongue traced the shape of his mouth, nudging at the seam and easily gaining access. Their tongues danced together, exploring the familiar contours of the other’s mouth with a thoroughness that only came from knowing a person inside and out. It was deeper than the one they had shared in his living room and it made him thirsty for more.

She finally seemed to be enjoying the thought of taking their time with this because she didn’t pick up the speed, just kept the tempo leisurely. Her hands had been resting on his forearms, but they moved down his side and stopped on his waist as she pulled him even closer. She eventually broke the kiss and started pressing smaller pecks against his neck, but he quickly put a stop to it, pulling her head up and back to its previous position. He knew he was going to be a recurring theme tonight and he would have to let her know that this night was about her, not him, because her stubborn self was bound to keep trying to reciprocate his actions. If there was one thing Cameron was not, it was a selfish lover. She loved giving as much as she was getting, and he usually had no qualms about it, but tonight was different, it was about her, her, her.

Quickly breaking the kiss, she pulled back in confusion and silently questioned what was going on. He didn’t answer, not yet, he just brought her back in for another bone-melting kiss. He moved his hands from her face and down towards the hem of her shirt, lifting it slightly. She picked up on the hint and sat up just enough for him to tug it off of her and throw it on the side of the bed. Glancing down at her body, his eyes trailed down to her as-of-now flat stomach and he swallowed past a sudden lump in his throat. They were really going to have this baby. This was going to completely change their lives and it was all thanks to her. It was starting to fully sink in and he wasn’t sure if this feeling of uncontrolled bliss would ever leave him. He wasn’t sure he could adequately show her how much this meant to him and how grateful he was. 

Cameron tipped his face back up to look at her. She had a timid expression on her face, clearly having noticed what he was staring at.

“You are so beautiful,” he said. His hand came to rest lightly over her stomach and the life that it held. He knew he didn’t tell her how gorgeous she was often enough, but he had a feeling he was going to have a hard time stopping himself now. She really was the most fascinating person he had ever met in every single way possible, and it still left him in awe after all these years.

Cameron was still looking at him when he peered back up, but didn’t give her a chance to act too shy about his compliment before he locked his eyes with hers.

“I love you,” he said firmly, hoping she knew that he meant those three words more than he had ever meant anything. 

Her mouth pulled up at the sides and she gave him a look that told him she understood his plea. “I love you, too.”

They rarely said those words to one another, preferring to use actions to express their feelings over meaningless phrases, but when they did say them, they meant them without a doubt. It always sent a rush of warmth when he heard that phrase come out of her mouth. That someone could love him for who he actually was and not for who they wanted him to be still surprised him no matter how many times it was said or proven to him.

He tipped forward and pressed another peck to her lips before sitting back on his knees. Dragging his hands down her long legs, he stopped at her feet and made quick work of untying both of her boots and yanking them off, not caring where they landed, just satisfied with the two loud clunks they made on the hardwood floor. Her socks came right after, and he tossed them in the general direction of where her shoes were. Cameron sat up and her hands found his belt and tried to unfasten it, but he shooed her hands away and pressed her shoulders gently until she fell back onto the bed again. She let out an annoyed sigh and rolled her eyes, clearly displeased with the fact that he wasn’t letting her reciprocate.

Her irritation didn’t last long, though. When he unfastened the button on her pants, her hips eagerly rose to let him slide them down her legs to join the growing pile on the floor. He pulled his t-shirt over his head before once again lying down lightly between the cradle of her legs as her arms wound their way around his neck and pulled him close again.

That skin-to-skin contact between them never got old and he relished in the feeling of it tonight more than ever. Joe lavished her swollen lips with more attention, tangling his tongue with hers and resuming that familiar rhythm. She took his bottom lip between her teeth and sucked on it, causing him to emit an involuntary groan deep in the back of his throat, but that only spurred her on and had her repeating the action. He soon broke apart and moved his lips along her jaw to that sensitive spot behind her ear, brushing feather-light kisses against her skin before he dragged his tongue across the area. Goosebumps erupted across her body. He felt them rather than saw them, with how close they were to one another, and he felt a tinge of pride at the thought that he could cause this reaction in her.

One of Cameron’s hands moved up to his hair and ran through it, going against the grain, which she knew full well gave him the same sensation that he had just given her. He let her attempt at pleasing him slide though, knowing he couldn’t completely deny himself. Latching his lips onto her ear, he trailed his teeth along the shell, leaving a nip at the lobe and a soothing flick of his tongue before repeating the action on the other ear. 

He sucked on the side of her neck, right at her pulse, savoring the way it thrummed beneath his lips. She let out a hum of contentment when he dipped his tongue in the hollow between her collarbone. Her skin was salty from the sweat starting to glisten across her body, and he was loving every bit of the taste that was so distinctly Cameron.

He grasped her hips and made his way down to her right breast, taking her nipple in his mouth and sucking on it. Her back arched and her breath hitched sharply when he gently caught the peak between his teeth before replacing them with his tongue. He did this until her nipples were red and raw and repeated his work on the other breast until both were almost too sensitive to touch. She shivered as he licked a broad stripe in between her breasts and kissed a trail down to her bellybutton. 

He left a particularly high amount of kisses across her belly, but stopped once he was at the waistband of her underwear, looking up and gaging her reaction, to see if this was what she wanted. Staring at him with hooded eyes, her breathing was shallow and her skin already had a gorgeous flush to it; her features creased with confusion as if she was about to ask him what he was waiting for. He took it as all the sign he needed. 

He gently pulled her underwear down, kissing the skin that was slowly being freed. Intentionally ignoring her core, he trailed lazy, open-mouthed kisses down her left leg to her knee before he finally yanked her underwear off the rest of the way. He bent back down to lavish her right leg with attention, leaving those same leisurely kisses that came close to where she needed him, but backed off when she was expecting him to finally give in. 

Pulling his head back, he glanced up at her face and saw that her eyes were shut and her mouth was opened slightly. He kept his eyes on her as he used a finger to lightly trace her slit at which she inhaled sharply and her eyelashes fluttered. He pushed her legs further apart before he applied more pressure and slid his finger between her folds and up to her clit. She was already so wet that it made his cock give an envious twitch at not being inside her yet, but he used that as incentive to make her come even faster. The pad of his finger swirled ever changing patterns against her clit that had her pressing harder against his hand and jerking whenever he hit a particularly sweet spot. His hand trailed south, circling around her entrance, but ultimately moving further to her perineum where his finger pressed firm, slow rubs. Her thighs parted even more to claim all that he had to give her.

Deciding it was time to switch things up, he hooked his arms behind her knee and draped one of her legs across his shoulder. He lowered his head and breathed her in; it was a scent that he couldn’t describe but it was beyond anything his previous partners had. He found himself still craving it after two solid years together, and true to it, his mouth was currently watering. Putting an end to his own torture and her own, he laid his mouth against her core and gave a broad swipe before taking her clit between his lips and sucking hard. 

Cameron groaned loudly. “God, yes.”

She tangled her fingers in his hair and pressed him even closer, but he knew her body well enough that she didn’t have to direct him, it was just a habit on her part. He didn’t mind, though; he relished in the slight pain he received in response to her pleasure. As usual, the taste of her set his nerves on fire and he couldn’t prevent the deep moan that vibrated against her. She trembled at the sensation and ran her fingers through his hair once more. 

He explored her familiar curves and edges with his tongue, tasting and feeling as if he was memorizing them even though he knew them like the back of his hand. He gave her entrance some much needed attention and his tongue circled the area before delving in as deeply as he could. In the last couple months, she’d seemed to taste even sweeter than usual, but he didn’t question it, just used it as a reason for enjoying this all the more. Her shaking hands grasped at his shoulders, his neck, anywhere she could latch onto as she came closer to the edge.

When he lightly grazed his teeth against her, she let out a sharp gasp and her legs tightened around him. He soothed the sting with flicks of his tongue back and forth and back and forth over her swollen clit until she was positively trembling and incoherently begging for more. 

Bringing his hands back into the mix, he inserted two fingers and dug them in deeply, crooking them forward and rubbing once he found that spot. A strangled shout escaped the back of her throat and she tugged sharply at his hair, dragging him even closer to her.

“Right there. Fuck.”

He applied pressure to that spot repeatedly, all the while he kept his tongue constantly focused on her clit. Her thighs were quivering even more and that that telltale clench in her abdomen told him she was close, she just needed a final push. Inserting a third finger, he rubbed inside of her quickly and firmly until he felt her start to contract around him.

Cameron came hard, her walls rippling around his fingers as he insistently worked her through her orgasm. She raked her nails across his shoulders, up his neck, and against his hairline. Her hips and thighs quaked around him. He looked up and watched as her eye lashes fluttered and her mouth hung open in a silent scream. He lapped up all that she had to give him, savoring it, because there was hardly anything in the world that tasted better, and he wasn’t keen on wasting a single drop.

Once her breathing had calmed down, he moved back up her body and gently kissed her mouth. She knew that this wasn’t the end, though, so she initiated another more intense kiss and ran her hands over his back. No matter how boneless he could make her, she would always spring back for another round before she had even finished catching her breath, and he was certainly glad about that tonight.

Not able to hold off much longer, he pulled back, clumsily unfastened his belt and unbuttoned his pants as quickly as his shaky hands would allow. Cameron’s own restless hands came up to lay over his and helped him shove his pants and underwear down his legs and off the bed. His intention of keeping all of this slow was wavering with every second and he knew he didn’t have much self-control left.

Cameron pulled his face back down to hers and captured his mouth in a searing kiss. He aligned his hips with hers but didn’t press in yet, just lingered, running his hands up and down her waist, across her stomach, caressing her again. 

“Come on, Joe. Stop fucking around,” Cameron whined in a breathless and impatient voice.

“Tell me, Cam, what do you need?” he grunted out, all the while trying to hold himself in check.

“You.”

“What do you need from me?”

“I need you in me. Please.”

He couldn’t argue with that, never had been able to. He slowly entered her, causing them to both groan loudly at the perfection of it all. It was times like this that he wondered if they were actually made for one another, that they were two halves of a whole. It felt so right, a sensation that he’d never felt with any of his past partners, no matter how long he’d been with them. He couldn’t imagine doing this with anyone else again, and if he was being honest, he had no intention of doing so.

When he was fully sheathed inside of her, he let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. He leant more of his weight against her and buried his head in the crook of her neck. His heart was pounding loudly, echoing in his ears.

His first thrust was slow and deep, and he let out another groan at the delicious friction. Keeping the pace steady and careful, he cupped her cheeks and kissed her again. She sighed softly when he feathered his lips over her eyelids, nose, forehead, and cheeks. After several moments of giving her undivided attention, she grasped his chin and pulled his face up to look at her. Her thumbs trailed over his cheekbones and across the ridges of his face. His eyes shut in contentment as she replaced her fingers with her lips. He was reveling in all of it, but he could tell Cameron was ready to pick up the pace. Whenever their fucking was better described as the clichéd lovemaking, her impatience always got the best of her when she was getting close. He was usually right in line with her and was more than happy to switch things up, and this time was no exception. 

Joe pressed a bruising kiss to her mouth, lingering until they were both out of breath. As his tongue sought hers out, Cameron’s hands swept down his back to his ass, giving it a sharp squeeze as his hips moved for another thrust, this time even deeper, but much harder. He kept up the new tempo, chasing that end that he knew was close.

Suddenly, Cameron flipped them over so that she was straddling him, her lean body hovering over him. It was a position that he loved, and not just for the obvious physical reasons; it was a position of power and it always made his breath quicken and his cock grow harder at the fact that she was claiming him.

He ran his hands up along her thighs and over her sides before resting on her breasts. When he started kneading them, she mewled and tipped her head back, whispering his name and grinding even harder in his lap. She was chasing that second ending more quickly than the first one, not having the patience for it anymore.

She changed position and pitched forward with her arms resting on either side of his head. It must have been the perfect angle because at his next thrust she cried out loudly and jerked against him. He thrust harder and faster, hitting that mark over and over, and every time he hit it, she let out a series of moans and shouts. He was vaguely aware that his own groans were echoing hers, but he didn’t have the mind to give them a second thought. The sinuous rolls of her hips were gaining speed and he listened to the dull slap of skin-on-skin, completely entranced.

But he was close, too close for his own liking. The heavy drag of his cock inside her was almost enough to make him let let loose right then if he thought on it too much, so he kept his mind entirely on her. Reaching a hand between them, he rubbed her clit with fast swipes. Her arms gave out and she fell onto her elbows as she let out another loud cry. She was shuddering against him, her legs closed tighter around his waist and her steadily-paced gyrating stuttered.

“I’m close,” she gasped, balling her fists in the sheets around his head as the tension built.

“Come for me, Cam. Let it go, baby.”

She whimpered at his words and her panting was faster than before. With a few more carefully executed swipes against her clit and another deep thrust, she came, shouting his name in between a mix of curse words. Working her through her orgasm, he continued to rub her until the shudders turned to small trembles and she collapsed on top of him, boneless. The pulsing heat of her orgasm surrounding his cock was leading him to his own release, but it wasn’t quite enough, he needed more.

Cameron urged him on with words she knew left him shattered. In a still breathless voice, she murmured against his ear, “God, I love you inside of me. You feel so incredible. Come for me. Give me everything you have, Joe. I need it.”

His mouth came down on her shoulder and he bit down as a few more staggering thrusts had him coming hard inside her with a hoarse cry. He could feel their sweat mingling in between them and the heat of their combined breaths almost sent him into a sensory overload.

Neither of them moved for several moments as they tried to come back down to earth. When their breathing had finally started to even out, he lifted her and slowly pulled out of her to which she let out a small whine of disappointment. Falling to his side, he pulled Cameron into a sweaty embrace.

“Shit, Joe. That was incredible.” Her head was resting against his shoulder and her hand was on his chest, absently beginning to trace the outlines of his scars.

He couldn’t help the proud smile that appeared on his face at her words. At least he had given her a night she would remember.

Later, when they were on the verge of sleep, or at least supposed to be, his restless mind couldn’t completely shut off. He was struggling with what to say to her to wrap up their passionate and emotional night, and let her know that he couldn’t wait for what their future held. He was a man of words, always had been, so it unnerved him that he couldn’t come up with anything in this monumental moment.

In the end, he opted for something simple and effective, something that had always meant more to them than any other words.

“Cameron?” he whispered against her now dry hair.

“Yeah?” she mumbled sleepily, shifting a little to rouse herself. Her head tilted up and she stared at him with hooded eyes.

“I love you.”

She smiled. “I love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this made up for the wait! This was originally even longer, but I cut it in half, so I could at least get something on AO3. The next chapter will be gooey fluff, so I'd imagine it will be much easier to write ;)
> 
> Huge, HUGE thanks to eucatastrophe__x for being a beta on this chapter and giving excellent advice for my smut scene. Seriously couldn't have done it without you! 
> 
> Thanks to everyone for sticking with this! Your support means the world to me! As always, comments and kudos are love! <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry as always, guys! Unfortunately, New Zealand was a bust and I had to move back home, so that took up quite a bit of my time. I've had most of this chapter done for a while, but stopped once my life started going downhill. This year has not been going as expected!
> 
> Huge, HUGE thanks to [ofplanet_earth](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ofplanet_earth/pseuds/ofplanet_earth) for the push to get this chapter out. I was really unmotivated until she helped me out, so everyone give her a huge standing ovation!
> 
> I hope this chapter somewhat makes up for the wait! Less than 3 weeks until HACF is back on!!

Cameron’s eyes fluttered open and tried to adjust to the blinding sunlight creeping through the blinds of the room. As she sluggishly became aware of her surroundings, she felt a familiar, warm body pressed behind hers and an arm slung heavily across her waist. Her hand moved of its own accord, seeking out Joe’s hand and entwining their fingers together. She pressed back against him and his arm tightened slightly around her as he sighed in his sleep. The events of the night before were starting to trickle back into her head and her heart started speeding up as she recalled what had started it all.

She said she was keeping the baby.

Her mouth suddenly felt dry at the memory. There was no turning back now. She had told him and that was that. At the time, she couldn’t even have envisioned what his response was going to be, but that overwhelming happiness and excitement was definitely not what she thought would happen. In fact, she couldn’t even remember the last time he’d looked that elated and it sent a thrill up and down her spine.

He really wanted this, a family with her. She couldn’t imagine why, but he did and it made her feel wanted and loved in a way that she had never felt before. Someone wanted her to be a part of their life for the long run and she tightened her fingers around his at the thought. This was all so grossly domestic, but she found she didn’t care. She wanted to laugh at how the Cameron of even three years ago would have been absolutely disgusted by these turn of events.

Despite his enthusiasm, she still felt a sense of unease. She was going to be a mother and it terrified her to the core. This was something that was never even categorized in the ‘maybe’ folder of her life. She’d never wanted kids, and she’d thought it would stay that way, but she’d also never expected to be so in love with someone that it had her questioning lifelong stances.

She couldn’t even pinpoint when she’d started to love Joe. It was all wrapped in a blur of the Giant, Cardiff Electric, and her new life in Dallas, and he just happened to be mixed in it all, changing her life in so many ways. They had been off to a shaky, very uncoordinated start, but somehow it worked for them better than anything. After all, they weren’t ones to follow protocol. She hadn’t admitted to herself that she had fallen in love with him until they were at COMDEX, right before it came crumbling down. She knew she’d cared for him in more ways than one, but it wasn’t until that point that it all came slamming into her. It was something she’d never felt with anyone before, not even in her brief relationships in her school days, and it had all been new, exciting, and terrifying. She had been addicted. The way things ended had been an unexpectedly huge blow and she blamed it all on her newly discovered feelings for him. When he’d come to her door weeks later to try and persuade her to come back into her life, she’d sent him packing (admittedly too harshly), and she’d assumed it would be enough closure for her.

She’d never been so wrong in her life.

He’d absolutely haunted her. She’d buried herself in everything Mutiny to avoid thinking about him, and it worked—until she was alone late at night. He was constantly in her dreams and her bed felt cold no matter how many blankets she piled on top of herself. When she left the house, she thought she saw him in person after person until she looked closely and realized it was just a trick of her mind.

She didn’t socialize much outside of the Mutiny, so meeting someone new had never been likely, and she had been okay with it because in all honesty she hadn’t been ready to move on. And then Tom had come into her life. He had been the complete opposite of Joe. He loved coding, was an avid video gamer, and brought new ideas to the company that even she couldn’t think of. And with her he was sweet, light-hearted, and made her giddy with excitement whenever they were together. For a while, it had all seemed like it was enough because she had been happy in her personal life for the first time in two years and it was a complete 180 from her relationship with Joe, but it hadn’t been enough, not once Joe had come back into her life.

Hearing his deep voice on the phone had been jarring and gut-wrenching. Those three _hello’s_ that he had spoken kept echoing around her. He was back in her life and he didn’t even know it. Seeing him again was like déjà vu. It felt like he was back on her porch begging her to take him back, and yet—it wasn’t. He was different, less angry, and sadder, even, but she didn’t give herself time to dwell on it as she soon walked into a world of negotiating with Westgroup.

Learning he was engaged had felt like a knife had been plunged into her stomach and someone was twisting it over and over. She’d been nauseated and lightheaded. She had no claim over him, and never had even when they had been together, and yet she felt like she had been betrayed, cheated on. Putting on a brave face, she’d told him congratulations and stupidly hoped that she wouldn’t see him after that deal was sealed, but that was a stupid wish because they had never been able to stay away from each other, not for long.

Tom had sensed Joe’s presence before Cameron had brought up her past with him. He hadn’t mentioned it up till later, when everything fell apart between them, and she couldn’t even argue against him when he’d told her that she was more like Joe than she led on. She knew the meaning behind those words though, and she knew he was right. Joe and Cameron couldn’t quit each other no matter how hard they had tried to ignore their feelings one another.

And yet, it had been Cameron who had put in what should have been the final straw. She had convinced herself that it was for the greater good of her company, and it would put an end to a company who had stolen all their hard work. In part, she supposed that it was a form of revenge on Joe because half of her didn’t believe that he hadn’t planned for all of this to go down, and that was what drew her to the press conference to give him the floppy disk that would shut down the Westgroup system.

But that other part of her that believed him had been the one that lead her to that kiss. That hadn’t been part of her plan at all, but once he had mentioned that he had married Sara, she couldn’t keep it together. She’d wanted to bolt out of the door and ditch the plan. Soon she was confessing things and she had no idea where they were coming from, but it all came pouring out, and she couldn’t have stopped herself from one last goodbye kiss if she had tried. Instantly, she was transported back two years where everything suddenly felt right again…that was until Joe put an end to it and she had come back to her senses and remembered the real reason she was there.

That was it. She doubted she’d ever see him again, and she thought this time it was enough closure. Donna and Cameron had come to the mutual decision to move to Daly City and start fresh. But of course, _he_ was there. She knew he would be, and yet it still set her on edge the moment she heard about it. They hadn’t come in contact with each other for a while, just like the last time, and once again, their meeting was fraught with tension.

But after everything that had happened to them, this time it had stuck. They had come to a point where they couldn’t deny that they weren’t going to find happiness with anyone else. It had almost been a relief when she had admitted it; it felt like something had fallen into place and patched up a huge hole inside her that she hadn’t realized was there.

After what she had done to him the last time they were in Dallas, it wasn’t surprising that Joe had no trust in her, and she didn’t blame him. It had taken a chunk out of her pride to tell him that she’d wanted him back, and it had taken persisting on her end, but he finally decided to give her another chance, and that was all she had needed.

Everything had clicked from that point. They were both different, they had both grown, and they were done playing games with one another. He had laid that out loud and clear for her, but he really didn’t need to because she completely agreed. From that point, she was happy and at ease in a way that she could never recall being in her life. Everything seemed right for once. And unlike when she had told Tom, being “too happy” in her personal life hadn’t affected her company, in fact, it seemed to have helped Mutiny grow, though she was still uncertain if this was just a coincidence.

Nevertheless, she had been happy for almost two years straight and it didn’t send her running for the hills. It felt…normal, almost, and she surprisingly was okay with that being her life.

It was hard for her to wrap her mind around the fact that they were going to have a baby. They had never even lived together, for Christ’s sake! But everything about them was unconventional, so she supposed she shouldn’t be that shocked that they were having a baby first. 

Her mind was racing and she knew she wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep no matter how hard she tried. Gently pulling Joe’s arm off her, she carefully crawled out of bed in hopes that a shower would help clear her thoughts and make her a little more put together. Walking over to Joe’s closet, she rummaged through his clothes until she found the soft red flannel shirt that she’d always favored. Slinging it over her shoulder, she shot one last glance at Joe’s sleeping form before trudging towards the bathroom.

The warm water was soothing and melted away her problems almost instantly, but for some strange reason, her thoughts wandered back to the memories of the night before. She’d never seen Joe act like that before. Sure, there were many times when they had taken it slow instead of their usual passionate fucks, but this time seemed different somehow. He was fabulous in bed, and that had never lessened over time, but he’d always let her play her part and pay her dues. Last night, he kept pushing her away anytime she tried to give him even the slightest bit of pleasure and it was completely unlike him. They were competitive in everything, particularly in the bedroom, so she had been thrown off by his actions. After a certain point, though, she could hardly hold onto a train of thought, so she went along for the ride and found she was enjoying every second of it. She couldn’t explain what it was, it was almost like he was…worshipping her, as strange as that sounded to her. She couldn’t hate it in the slightest.

Shutting off the shower, she stepped out and wrapped a plush towel around her body before moving forward to wipe the steam off the mirror with her hand. It drove Joe nuts when she did this, but she couldn’t be bothered to stop. Cameron towel-dried her hair and draped the too-large flannel shirt over her frame, buttoning it up slowly before breathing in the scent at the collar. That shirt had always offered more comfort to her than anything else of his; his scent tended to linger in it a little longer than his other clothes and she supposed that was one of the main reasons she found herself stealing it from his apartment more often than not. She knew he was well aware that she was constantly taking it, but he’d never said anything, so she had no reason to stop her thievery.

Stepping into the bedroom, she saw that Joe was finally awake, his heavy lids slowly blinking away sleep until he caught her eye and let out a slow, wide smile. 

“Hey,” he murmured in a groggy voice.

“Hey,” she echoed back. His hand crept out from under the covers and he stretched his arm out, reaching for her.

Grinning, she walked over and pulled the blankets back to crawl into the warm bed. She was easily encased in Joe’s arms and he pulled her closer, not seeming to mind her damp hair resting against his bare arm. 

“How do you feel?” he asked softly as his hand traced up and down her spine.

Cameron pulled back slightly to look at him, their faces just inches apart. “Amazing.”

That was an understatement, if there ever was one. After last night, she wasn’t sure she could feel anything other than boneless contentment for the rest of the day, probably the week.

His face had softened at her words. It was a look she’d only ever seen him use with her, and if she pushed aside her pride a little bit, she’d admit to herself that it turned her into a pile of mush. He could make her feel like she was the only thing that mattered in the world and it was a look she’d never really been able to resist, not even in the first months that they’d known each other, however rare that look had been.

Closing the short distance between them, she brushed her lips against his, savoring the softness of his lips paired with the scratchiness of the scruff that was starting to grow on his face. It wasn’t a rushed kiss, but one of contentment and love. Trying to put her appreciation for last night into that kiss, she lingered until she was starting to feel lightheaded and breathless, pulling apart with a smile.

He still had that same look on his face, but a broader, more radiant smile lit it up.

“I thought you’d left for a second there when I woke up,” he said.

“It’s Saturday morning, where else would I need to be?” 

He moved his hand to run softly through her hair. “I don’t know. I figured once everything set in, it would suddenly be too much for you and you’d want to be far away from here.” He paused and shifted his gaze downwards. “I don’t know.”

He was rarely at a loss for words, so it always touched her a little when he would do something like this. Normally, she’d probably be angered by his accusation, but in all honesty, she was a little surprised with her actions too.

“Well, I didn’t. This is what I want. I thought I made that pretty clear last night?” She smirked and raised an eyebrow in reference to what had transpired in this room not eight hours ago.

“Ha ha, that you did.”

There was a moment of silence between them. Joe looked contemplative, like he was trying to piece something together. She looked over his face, brushing a lock of hair off his forehead, then running her fingers across his cheekbone.

The gesture seemed to comfort him because he took a deep breath and said what was on his mind: “You understand how much this means to me, don’t you? The fact that you would take this jump with me is…it’s everything to me.”

Warmth swooped through her stomach and a flush was starting to heat up her cheeks. A lump was forming in her throat, and she had to swallow past it thickly. Not knowing how to express herself in words, she leant forward again and kissed him, pressing her lips firmly to his for several moments. 

Pulling away, she said lowly, “I guess the same could be said for me. I didn’t know how you would react to this, but I’m so glad that you want what I want, that it’s not the end.”

“If I have any say in us, it’s far from the end. This is barely even the beginning.”

The lump in her throat was back and she could start to feel tears prickling the back of her eyes, but she honestly didn’t care. “I have no idea what I’m doing or how any of this will work out. I just want you to be happy because I don’t think I’ve ever felt like this before.” She shifted her eyes a little at her confession because no matter how many times they talked about their relationship, she still found herself occasionally bashful.

“Cameron, I _know_ I’ve never been this happy before.” At that, she glanced back up. “All these years, I’ve been searching for who I was and what I was meant to do, but it took time to realize that all the answers led back to you. This all just seems to fit in with that. Every piece of my life has changed because of you and I wouldn’t change it for the world.” 

Joe leant forward and captured her lips between his before she could get another word in. His hand knotted in her damp hair, while his other one came up to cradle her face. Their tongues twisted together leisurely, but not without meaning behind each movement. She moved her hand to the back of his neck and pulled him even closer, caressing his skin and reveling in everything between them. 

He pulled back and gave her a wide, dimpled smile before pecking her on lips one more time.

“All right,” he announced excitedly as he clapped his hands together, threw back the covers, and jumped to his feet. “I’m making breakfast. What do you want? Are you feeling sick at all? Anything you can’t eat?”

“Joe,” Cameron laughed incredulously as she sat up, pulling the covers with her and watching him flit across the room to pull out new clothes from the dresser and closet. She had been slightly surprised that her usual nausea hadn’t woken her up, but she was far from complaining about that. She just hoped it stayed that way for the rest of the day. 

Pulling on a shirt and sweatpants, he walked over to her and leant down, his arms on either side of her legs. “Really, what do you want? Do you have any morning sickness at all?” His eyebrows twitched in concern for a second and his eyes quickly looked her up and down.

“I’m fine, at least for now, so make whatever you want.”

“The works then.” He smiled before leaning in and pressing his lips against hers. He stood up to his full height and made to move towards the door.

“Joe, you really don’t have to do this,” she said, laughing again at his out-of-character excitement. 

“Oh, I do,” he said cheerily and hightailed it out of the room.

Cameron shook her head at his antics before running her hands through her hair and unknotting the drying strands. Noting their still-scattered clothes on the ground, she pushed herself out of the bed to grab them and throw them in the hamper.

Sauntering into the living room, she kept her distance as she watched Joe working away in the kitchen. He had already thrown bacon into a pan and was mixing up something in a bowl, completely engrossed in what he was doing. She couldn’t help the smile growing on her face at the sight. She had been somewhat surprised to find out that he was a decent cook when they had started up their relationship again. How she hadn’t known that in their first round was beyond her, but she took advantage of it every chance she could get now.

“You really are making the works, aren’t you?” she said as she finally made her presence known. 

Looking over at her, he replied, “I said I would. You haven’t been able to eat hardly anything in weeks, so I’m going to force this all on you while I have the chance.”

She couldn’t help it when yet another laugh popped out of her mouth. “Yeah, well, hopefully you won’t have to force me to gorge myself on food for too much longer. I’ve heard that morning sickness is the worst in the first trimester, so here’s to that being true.”

Joe smirked at that and pulled her forward to give her a kiss on the forehead. She walked around him to grab a glass out of the cupboard and filled it with water. Watching him thoughtlessly as he cooked, they passed the time with meaningless conversation and occasional lazy kisses.

Once he finished, Joe loaded her plate up with a little bit of everything he had just made and set the plate down in front of her almost anxiously as though he was afraid the first taste was going to come up before it even touched her lips. Cameron took a small bite of bacon, gauging whether or not it would send her fleeing towards the bathroom, but when it seemed to settle, she quickly devoured the strip, suddenly aware of how hungry she was. He relaxed and grabbed his own plate and sat across from her. 

They ate in silence for a while before Joe took a sip of his coffee, staring at her all the while. Setting the mug down, he asked, “Should we tell people?” 

Looking at him in contemplation, she slowly chewed her mouthful of toast before answering. “I don’t know if we should tell everyone just yet. Donna knows, so I guess she and Gordon are fair game. I’ll have to break the news to Bos somehow; he’d be far from happy if he found out from someone else besides me. I’m not sure about everyone else, though. Aren’t you supposed to wait till the second trimester or something to tell people? I don’t really know much about kids.” She chuckled awkwardly before adding, “Good thing I’m having one, right?”

She looked down, suddenly insecure about her inadequacies in…really anything besides computers. She was in over her head with this. What made her think she could do this? She didn’t even know the exact week the second trimester started, if she was being honest with herself. This was going to be a disaster.

Joe seemed to sense her inner turmoil because he reached over and laid his hand across hers on the table, his thumb lightly stroking her skin. As soon as she looked up, he searched her eyes and gave her a small, supportive smile. “Hey. You’re going to be great at this, I have no doubt. It’s a learning curve. I definitely don’t know much about any of this, but I know I’ll grow with it. We’re going to make mistakes, but it’s okay, it’s supposed to happen. I think you’ll be an amazing mother, and there’s no one I’d rather do this with than you.”

Cameron swallowed before giving an almost imperceptible nod, then she spoke without really meaning to. “Not even Sara?”

She hadn’t meant it maliciously, and he seemed to realize that because he didn’t flare up in anger, just took her curiosity in stride. “I always figured we’d have kids, it just seemed like the next step in our relationship because we were playing it safe and normal, I guess you could say. We’d mentioned it a few times, like any couple in our situation, but it wasn’t anything we’d ever worked at. With all that happened in our short marriage, having kids was definitely the last thing on my mind. I would have been thrilled if we had eventually had them, but I don’t think I ever specifically fantasized about _her_ being the mother of my children, just more of that aspect of our relationship in general.” He paused. “The normalcy of it all.”

“But you’ve fantasized about me being the mother of your children?” she teased him, not really expecting him to give an answer. 

He looked down bashfully and she watched his ears grow uncharacteristically pink. “Uhh…” he muttered lowly, scratching the back of his neck. It was a nervous habit that he rarely displayed, but she knew him well enough by now to know what it meant.

Looking at him incredulously, she couldn’t stop herself from pushing him. “Have you?”

“I mean we’ve been together for a while, it’s only natural, right?” He was still avoiding her eye and had started fiddling with the handle of his coffee mug.

“You just said that you didn’t specifically fantasize about having kids with Sara, but you were also together for a while, so how is this different?”

“It just is.”

“How? Joe.”

“Okay, fine, yeah, I’ve fantasized about it,” he admitted, finally meeting her eyes in defeat. “For a while now. But you’re different. Things have always been different with you, even from the beginning. You make me want things that I’ve never wanted with anyone else before. Things that I thought I wanted from others didn’t feel like this, and I’ve known why for almost two years now. We may not do anything in order, but I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

She blinked a few times and felt a tingling sensation spreading throughout her body at his words. A shy smile graced her face as she held his gaze.

“Besides, I don’t think normal really suits either of us, does it?” he added softly, offering his own warm smile that always left her giddy. 

“Ha, no, it doesn’t.” 

Cameron scooted back her chair and walked around the dining table to slide herself onto his lap. Draping her arms over his broad shoulders, she bent her head to brush her lips against his. He responded immediately, sucking on her bottom lip and wrapping his arms tightly around her waist to bring her as close to him as possible. Tilting her head, she deepened the kiss and they kept up a familiar tempo that she had grown more and more fond of over the years.

After several moments, she pulled back and rested her forehead against his, closing her eyes and breathing in his comforting scent. She used the moment to dig up the courage to ask him to elaborate on his previous statement. 

“What did you fantasize about?” she whispered, moving back slightly to look at him. She honestly wasn’t sure he’d say much else, but today had been going surprisingly well on the confessions front, so she kept her hopes up.

He looked at her as if he was gauging whether or not what he was going to say would offend her. Seemingly thinking along the same line as her that their conversations had been going well, she could tell he was going for an honest approach. “Everything,” he murmured. 

A bubble of laughter rose through her chest at his anticlimactic response and she moved one of her hands to his hair at the nape of his neck, running her fingers through the soft strands. “Oh, come on, you can do better than that. We all know you like details, so fess up, MacMillan.” 

“What exactly is that supposed to mean?” he asked with an eyebrow raised teasingly. He leant forward and placed a gentle kiss on her lips before lowering his voice again, “I don’t know, I guess I really do mean everything, in a way. Mundane, everyday sort of things that families go through, but there were bigger things, like I don’t know, Christmas and birthdays. But mostly, it was just seeing _you_ as the mother of _my_ children and how happy it made me and how…right it all was.”

He stared at her with vulnerability written all over his face, and she knew that he had meant every word he had said. A lump was starting to form in the back of her throat and she swallowed thickly before closing the distance and claiming his mouth in a searing kiss. He was more than receptive and had immediately breathed a relieved sigh against her lips while grasping her hips firmly. Cameron tightened her hold on his neck and moved her other hand to cup his cheek as she deepened the kiss, tenderly stroking her thumb back and forth against the stubbled skin. Deliberately tapering off the kiss, she trailed her lips across each cheek, his nose, his eyelids, and ending on the crease in between his eyebrows, before pulling back and gazing into his warm, hazel eyes and brushing back hair that kept falling across his forehead.

“This is everything to me. _You_ are everything to me. I get to experience all of this with you, and I wouldn’t want to share it with anyone else,” he murmured. 

She felt another rush of happiness rush through her body. “I love you,” she said softly, her voice effected and catching slightly on the last word.

A smile was starting to bloom across his face and she knew instantly how contagious it would be because before she realized it, her own cheeks were burning with the wideness of a sudden smile.

“What should we do for the rest of the day?” he asked as his hand brushed up and down her thigh.

“Well, I can think of one thing.” Cameron kissed his lips once again before grabbing his hand and leading them back to his bedroom. She had every intention of making this weekend one they would never forget.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all liked this chapter! It was pure fluff, but hey, they're about to have a baby, so they're allowed to be crazy in love, okay? I do honestly hope you guys didn't think the fluff was too OOC. They've been together for almost 2 years at this point, so I feel like this would be natural for them? I'm actually not entirely sure if I like this chapter, but at least I got something out haha.
> 
> Hopefully, as the show comes back on, I'll be very motivated to bust out chapters fairly quickly. I ADORE writing this, so it bothers me probably more than all of you that I'm slow at getting these chapters written. Definitely something to work on!
> 
> Come bother me on [my Tumblr](http://paceofbase.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> As always, comments and kudos are love! <3


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't even begin to apologize for the delay on this chapter. God, we're coming up on almost a year since I last updated this... It's been a very rough few months for me and I had crazy writer's block with this chapter. However, it is nearly 11,000 words, so hopefully it makes up for the time a bit (probably not)!
> 
> HUGE thanks to ofplanet_earth for editing this and pulling me out of my rut <3

“’Zelda Game & Watch,’ man? Why don’t you just go back to playing ‘Zelda II’ if you can’t move on from that world?” Yo-Yo said while spinning a pen between his fingers. 

“Because it’s pretty revolutionary and I love it, so far,” Carl shot back, his voice getting a little heated.

“It’s too simple. At least ‘Zelda II’ had character.”

Cameron could hear their argument before she even stepped foot into Mutiny. Pushing open the front door, she readjusted her backpack on her shoulder and started making her way to her office, very obviously late to work. 

“No, it’s—oh, look, Cameron’s here. She’ll have a better answer than you on this. Hey, Cameron!” 

Cameron looked over and found herself actually walking over to talk to them before she’d even registered that she was doing it.

“Yeah?” she asked, pretending she hadn’t just heard the tail-end of their conversation.

“Settle a debate for us. ‘Zelda Game & Watch’, fantastic or not?” Carl said with all the cockiness of a twelve-year-old boy who had just started his growth spurt. 

“Not worth my time,” she shot back quickly, earning a chortle from Yo-Yo as he turned back to his computer. Before Carl could get in another word, she changed the subject, “What’s going on?”

“Well, besides listening to these two idiots talk about Zelda for the last twenty minutes, I think we may be onto something with the organization in Community,” Lev chimed in.

“That’s great, guys! Keep up the work!” she said happily. The coders all glanced up at her for that uncharacteristically pleasant comment.

Lev paused for a moment, pushing up his glasses and added, “Uh, yeah. So it might finally give us a quick warning if someone makes a post asking how to kill their cousin in the comic book trading section.” 

Cameron laughed. “I still can’t believe that happened multiple times by completely different people.” A few of the coders laughed awkwardly, still a little weirded out by her attitude, as though they had never actually heard her laugh before. Belatedly, she realized that might actually be true for some of the newer coders. 

“I know, but we’re probably never going to get there if these two won’t shut up about fucking Zelda.” 

“Oh, come on, Lev, even you have to admit that ‘two’ was a piece of art,” Carl said.

“Why don’t you talk about a game that actually sounds awesome, like ‘Prince of Persia’ or ‘SimCity’ that are coming out in a few weeks?” Cameron offered.

“Oh god, ‘Prince of Persia’ looks insane! The graphics on that?” Carl let out a low whistle.

“I know. I feel like we need to steal someone from their team,” Cameron chimed back at him. 

Before she could say anymore, Donna appeared at Cameron’s side, seemingly out of nowhere.

“Hey!” Cameron said, which earned a perplexed look from Donna, though she masked it somewhat well in front of the coders. “The guys think they’re onto solving that issue in Community!”

“Yeah, I heard. Guys, do you mind if I steal Cameron away for a second?” Donna asked. They responded with nonchalant shrugs and shakes of their heads before turning back to their computers.

Donna led the way up to Cameron’s office and didn’t say a word until the door was shut behind them. 

“Okay, what’s going on? You’re acting—god, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but you’re acting _nice_? I haven’t seen you this cheerful since you fired that guy, Damien, last year. Not to mention, you’re three hours late to work,” Donna said, that perplexed look still glued to her face.

Cameron pushed her hair behind her ears and crossed her arms. There was no point in beating around the bush with this, so she cleared her throat and said, “I, uh, made my decision on Friday.” 

“And?” There was no judgment in Donna’s question, just genuine curiosity (and maybe a bit of impatience), which put Cameron a little more at ease.

Taking a deep breath, Cameron said, “I’m keeping it.” 

Donna had never given a hint either way of her preference on the matter, clearly supporting Cameron’s own choice till the end. After all, who else would understand her situation more? However, that didn’t stop the joy radiating off of her when Cameron finally gave her the long-awaited answer; an enormous smile swept over her face and a hand came up to cover her mouth. 

“Oh, Cameron, I’m so happy for you! This is such good news!” She paused and let her hand fall down before adding, “Did you tell Joe?”

“Yeah, turns out he wants it too.” Cameron shrugged but couldn’t keep a shy smile from forming.

“Well, obviously!” Donna exclaimed as though it was the only reaction that Joe could have ever had. “Did he finally tell you before you made your decision?” 

“No, he refused to budge on it. We got into a huge fight over the whole thing on Friday. I don’t really know what happened, but some of the things he said just made something click in my head. I left after the fight and realized once I got home what I wanted. I went back to his place and told him and he was just so… _happy_. He told me it was what he had wanted since the beginning, so, uh…at least we’re on the same page now?”

“I’m guessing that’s why you came into work all smiles?”

Cameron blushed a little at her words. “Yeah, among other things….”

Donna raised her eyebrows and gave Cameron a knowing look. 

“ _That’s_ not the reason I was late, though. I had horrible morning sickness and could hardly function till, like, nine. It was so bad that I woke up Joe. I am not looking forward to these next six or seven or whatever months.” Cameron paused before letting out a groan. “Oh, god. Which reminds me, now I have all these doctors’ appointments and everything I need to schedule.” 

“Oh, that shouldn’t last too much longer. I don’t think I had morning sickness past my first couple months with either Joanie or Haley. And these next parts are so exciting! You should be due for your first sonogram, right?” 

Now _that_ was a terrifying thought. “Yeah, no idea when though.”

“I would think you could get one now. You think you’re somewhere around that eleven-week range, right?”

Cameron nodded. How pathetic was it that she didn’t even know exactly how far along she was? 

“They should at least be able to tell you the due date at your sonogram. Just take these appointments one step at a time. You only get one chance to experience this for the first time, so make the most of it! It’s really incredible.”

Feeling a need to desperately change the subject before it sent her into full panic attack mode, Cameron went back to the whole issue at hand. “God, I just can’t believe I’m going to have a kid. This is too weird. Who am I turning into? You?”

Donna let out an amused laugh, put her hand on Cameron’s crossed arms, and said, “Oh, Cameron, you’re going to be great at this.” 

“That’s what Joe’s been saying, but I’m not entirely sure I believe him…or you,” she laughed as she tacked on the end part, but it was a hollow sound. This was a real fear she had and she couldn’t understand why Joe and Donna didn’t see her side of this. 

“I promise you, we’re not just saying that to be nice, we mean it. You’re not going to be perfect, no one is. It’s an experience for both you and Joe. You have him, me, Gordon, and Bos. You’re not alone on this. Remember that.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I know. Joe’s really been great about this whole thing. I’m still kind of shocked that he was— _is_ so excited about this.”

Donna smiled and gave Cameron’s arms a squeeze. “I think you know why.” 

Cameron didn’t say anything, she just let out a crooked smile and looked down at the ground. She did know why, but it was still hard for her to fathom that he would want to be a part of any of this. Really, it surprised her that she herself wanted to be a part of this. At least they both knew how to keep surprising one another. 

“You and Joe should come over tomorrow night to celebrate!” Donna suggested excitedly, turning the conversation to a less intense note.

Cameron was taken aback, but immediately said, “Oh, uh, I don’t know, Donna. I don’t want you to go through any trouble over this.” Dinner sounded like it was pretty much the last thing she ever wanted to do. As excited as she was, she would prefer to just keep this between herself and Joe (and apparently Donna) for now.

“Cam, this is news that needs to be celebrated, and not just by you and Joe! You should invite Bos, too! You’ve told him, right?”

“Uh, not yet. I haven’t seen him this morning. But I’ll tell him soon,” she promised, and it sent a rush of fear through her. She wasn’t ready to tell him; she doubted she would ever be ready. 

“Good! Did you want to break the news to Gordon or should I?” 

“It doesn’t really matter to me. Look, Donna, you _really_ don’t need to do any of this.” 

Donna ignored her and continued, “Actually, you know what? I think I’m going to wait until tomorrow night for him to hear the news. I really just want to see his reaction to this.” 

“Donna…” 

“So, how about dinner at seven, tomorrow? Square away that time with Joe. I’ll make sure the girls are out of the house, so it’s just us. And no, I’m not backing out of this.”

Cameron rolled her eyes and let out a sigh, but smiled anyway. This was Donna, through and through. Cameron had come to realize that the things she did like this weren’t just a formality, but she genuinely meant the best with them. 

“Yeah, sure. I’ll call Joe and let him know.” 

“Great! I’m going to tell Gordon—about dinner, not the baby, don’t worry. I’m just so happy for you! Come here,” she said before stepping forward and wrapping Cameron in a hug. Cameron tensed for a second but relaxed and gave her a quick hug back. 

“All right, I’ll see you at the meeting in a couple hours!” Donna said as she finally released Cameron and made her way to the door. 

“Yeah,” was all Cameron said, swallowing thickly and turning to look out the window once the door had shut. Despite her earlier cheeriness, an enormous sense of dread filled her now. She wasn’t exactly sure why she was feeling these mixed emotions but she knew that she didn’t like it one bit. She felt the urge to bolt out of the building, and for her, that was never a good sign.

 

* * *

 

Cameron stood in front of the door but didn’t knock. She had just spent the last fifteen minutes pacing in her office, debating on whether or not to actually walk over here, but this final step was just too damn much.

She wasn’t sure why this was so hard. It was just Bos. There wasn’t much that she kept from him and she knew that everything she told him never left the room that they were in. In fact, the only person who knew more about her was Joe, so this shouldn’t be any more difficult than when she told him—and that horrible experience was weeks past now. 

Drumming up all her courage, she raised her fist to knock on the door in front of her, but nearly jumped out of her skin when it suddenly flew open.

Bos looked about as surprised as she was, but he seemed to recover faster than she did. 

“Jesus, Cam, you scared me! I didn’t know you were here yet,” Bos said.

“Um, yeah, I got here about an hour ago. I just worked from home a little bit.” She told the white lie easily, but her heart was pounding so loudly against her ribcage that she was sure it would betray her and he’d call her out on her bluff. 

“Well, that’s good to hear. I was worried you were sick again. You haven’t seemed yourself this past month,” he said, giving her a concerned look that was all too reminiscent of a father’s. 

“No, I’m okay,” she lied once again. She hated lying to him and it was absolutely turning her stomach. “Can we talk?”

“Of course. I was just about to go get lunch. Did you want to come with?” he asked, moving to shut the door behind him.

“Oh, no,” she said quickly, causing him to take his hand off the doorknob and turn towards her again. “Can we just talk here?” 

He gave her another glance, this one even more concerned than the last one, and he nodded before saying, “Sure, Cam. Come on in.” 

Cameron nervously pushed her hair back behind her ears as she ventured into his office. She made her way over to his desk, but didn’t sit down, just stared out the window.

“What did you need to talk about?”

Her heart felt like it was going to jump out of her throat and nausea was curdling her stomach, though for one of the first times in over two months, she was sure this had nothing to do with morning sickness. Turning around, Cameron looked at Bos and took in his worried face, trying to drum up some courage to tell him the truth.

Why was she having such a hard time with this? It wasn’t like he would stop talking to her after he found out the news. She couldn’t exactly pinpoint why she was so anxious over this. He was far from Joe’s biggest fan, so she doubted that his attitude towards him was going to change much. Maybe she was afraid that he would be disappointed in her? That he thought she was throwing away her entire career for this or that she was doing all of this with the wrong man? Maybe he would just plain think she wasn’t suited to be a mother and that she’d be terrible at it? None of these sounded like Bos, but she had obviously never been in a situation like this before, so how could she truly predict the way he would react? 

“Cameron?” Bos asked, dragging her away from her thoughts.

“Uh, yeah, so you know how I asked you reallocate some money for a new mainframe and not to tell Donna? Well, I think she and Gordon have fixed most of the issues, so, uh, just forget about doing that,” she lied. She honestly couldn’t believe those words had just come out of her mouth. She knew they were nowhere near fixing that damn mainframe. 

Bos stared at her, perplexed for only a moment before giving her a disbelieving look. “Well, all right, if you’re sure…you sure that’s all you wanted to talk to me about? You seemed pretty nervous about something.” 

“Yeah, I was just worried Donna would hear about this. It’s been on my mind a lot lately.” 

Bos continued to look unconvinced but when several moments of tense silence passed between them, he conceded and said, “Well, okay then. If you wanna talk about anything else, you let me know, okay?”

Cameron just nodded and watched as he turned around to walk out the door before remembering something. 

“Oh, Bos, Donna’s doing a last minute dinner tomorrow night at seven. Can you make it?”

“What’s the occasion?”

“Celebrating an announcement, I guess,” she said after a pause. “It’s just me, Joe, Donna, Gordon, and you, if you want to come. I don’t know, it sounds interesting,” she played off with a shrug. Luckily, he seemed more convinced with this story.

“An announcement, huh?” Bos thought on it for a moment. “You think Donna and Gordon might be expecting another kid?” 

“I’m not really sure.” Great. She couldn’t have worded that whole thing differently? Now he already had kids on his mind, even though they had nothing to do with Cameron. How many more times could she lie to this poor man? She couldn’t remember the last time she felt so guilty. 

“Well, all right, you peaked my interest. I’ll be there. I’m starving, so I’m going to get something to eat now. You sure you don’t want to come?” 

“Yeah, I already ate.” Eating was literally the last thing she wanted to do right now.

“See you soon, Cam.” He gave her one last concerning look, before buttoning his jacket and walking out of the office.

Cameron backed up until she hit the wall beside the window. How could she not tell him? What was that pathetic excuse? Guilt wracked her body and before she even realized it, a tear had fallen onto her shirt. Embarrassed, she brought her hands up and roughly rubbed them over her face. If Bos was mad at her after the truth came out, then she couldn’t blame him one bit. She didn’t deserve his support.

 

* * *

 

Cameron dragged her feet as she walked those final steps to the door of her apartment. Her whole day had been such a whirlwind of emotions thanks to her conversation with Bos that she could barely function the rest of her time at work. She had completely forgotten about her meeting with the board at 2:00 pm and it wasn’t until Donna barged into her office asking if she was okay that she managed to snap out of her thoughts for a second. As soon as 5:00 pm had rolled around, she promptly made her escape home. 

Letting out a sigh, she slowly dug her keys out of her bag and stuck them in the keyhole, turning them at the same glacial pace. That conversation and the emotions that followed had left her so drained that she had barely had the energy to drive home.

The moment she walked in the door, she heard a rather cheerful, “Hey!”

Joe was sitting on her couch and exhibiting a behavior that was quite the opposite of her own. He was surrounded by stacks of books and currently held one open in his hands. 

“Uh, hi. What’s all this?” she asked, gesturing at the books as she walked towards him, setting her backpack next to the couch.

“I went to the bookstore around the corner from my office at lunch and picked up some baby books.” He set the book he was reading facedown on the cushion next to him and scooted closer to the coffee table housing all the books, clearly thrilled with the near-library he brought home.

“Some? It looks like you bought all the books they had….” 

Cameron furrowed her brows as she picked up one called ‘What to Expect When You’re Expecting.’ It had oddly never even occurred to her to get any book on the subject. What was more surprising was that Joe had willingly gone out of his way to pick these up, like any normal new parent would. It was so wildly out of character for him that she would have laughed had her day gone slightly better. 

“Well, I figured neither of us know much about this, so we can use all the help we can get.” 

“Oh. I guess.” 

Joe looked up at her, probably a little alarmed by her short, distant reply that was unlike her given the very emotionally open weekend they had just had. “Are you okay? You’re not…regretting this, are you?” Hurt clung to every word of his last sentence and the guilt from her talk with Bos came back full force. 

“No,” she said quickly, finding herself a little at loss to his question. “I just—it’s been a rough day.” She leaned against the armrest of the couch and crossed her arms. 

He turned to face her better, his eyebrows worriedly pulled together. “What happened?”

“Well, I guess it was really only one thing that ruined it. It started off fine. I told Donna everything.” She paused to look at Joe and gauge his reaction, but he hardly had one, as if he fully expected her to tell Donna every minute detail of their weekend. He only nodded slightly as an indication for her to continue. “She was really happy for us and that’s when she started talking about the dinner—” At that, Joe’s eyebrows drew together a little more, but this time in what looked like confusion. “Oh, shit. I completely forgot to call you and tell you that Donna invited us over for dinner tomorrow night to celebrate. I guess she wants to shock Gordon and have us announce it to him then. Unless you’ve already told him?” 

He smiled at her mishap, evidently not annoyed by it, before saying, “No, I haven’t talked to him since Thursday. You didn’t really give me the chance to this weekend.” That last sentence had an unsubtle smirk attached to the end of it, earning Cameron’s first genuine smile since late that morning. She knew neither of them were bound to forget this past weekend anytime soon. 

“Yeah, well, I didn’t hear you complaining.”

“Oh, believe me, I’m definitely not,” he shot back with a wide smile that caused her to flush a little. “But what were you saying before that?” 

The smile dropped off her face as soon as she launched back into her story. “So Donna started talking about the dinner and how she wanted to surprise Gordon, then she asked if I had told Bos. She’d sort of ambushed me as soon as I got there, so I hadn’t even seen him yet, but I told her that I was telling him that afternoon. I went into his office a few hours later, and I don’t know what happened, but I just couldn’t do it. I don’t know why.” 

Tears had started to well up in her eyes and her chin gave a traitorous wobble as she finished her ineloquent story. Joe’s face was back to the worried frown he had been wearing a minute ago, but it was deeper this time.

He stood up and pulled her into his arms as he said softly, “Oh, Cam.”

Cameron unfolded her arms and wrapped them around his waist, seeking the comfort he so openly gave her. She had never had to explain to him how important Bos was to her, he’d somehow always known, and it had come us such a relief that, without question, Joe had fully accepted Bos as someone who would always be in her life, despite the fact that the two men were hardly best friends. So when something went wrong between her and Bos, he had always been there to comfort her and reassure her that nothing she did was going to change Bos’ opinion of her. 

“I just don’t know why I couldn’t do it,” she said, her voice thick with oncoming tears. He began running his hand up and down her back and even though it immediately soothed her, the gesture oddly brought her crying out full-force and she gave a sob against his shoulder. “I really don’t even know how he’d react. I guess I’m afraid that he’ll be disappointed or think I’m not good enough to do this or both, and I just didn’t want want to watch it happen. He’s always been the voice of reason for everything and I doubt this would be an exception. And the worst part is that he wouldn’t need to say a word, I would just know.” She was rambling at this point, but she was beyond caring if her words made any sense. 

“Hey.” Joe pulled back slightly, but she kept her eyes closed. “Cameron, look at me.” 

She reluctantly opened her watery eyes and focused them on Joe’s hazel ones. His hands moved from her back up to her jaw, holding her face as his thumbs brushed away the tears staining her cheeks. “I think there is very, _very_ little you could do to disappoint him, and I would bet my life on it that this is not on that list. He loves you more than some fathers love their own children and once he sees how much you want this, I doubt he’ll be anything less than thrilled. You told me yourself that he’s not very close with his own grandson and how much he hates that, so I think he’ll be ecstatic. He may not be too happy that I’m the father, but I’m sure he’ll look over that detail for you.” 

He smiled and she slowly, shakily smiled back. There were times when she hated how good he was with words, but this wasn’t one of them. She could tell he meant every word, and he wasn’t just saying them because she wanted to hear them. 

“I’ll hold you to that,” she croaked. She laughed a little at how horrible her voice sounded and he quietly joined in. 

He kissed her on the forehead before saying, “You have my word." 

She buried her face in his shoulder once more and held him tighter to her. His hands had moved back to their previous position and resumed their comforting strokes.

“So…Donna’s happy for us, then?” he asked against her ear. 

She breathed out a laugh against his neck. “Yeah, almost like she was the one having this baby instead. At least we have one person on our side, right?” 

“Oh, I’m sure there will be many more to come, Bos being one of them.” He drew back, but kept his hands on her. “Let’s try to forget about that for a little bit, okay?”

She only nodded in response. 

“Why don’t you go through some of these books with me and we can laugh at how terrible we’ll be at this, yeah?”

Laughing, she nodded again. “Yeah, sounds good.” She walked around him and picked up the book he had left on the couch, sat down and looked down at whatever horror story had kept him so engrossed when she had walked in. Joe sat next to her with a smile, threw his arm around her shoulders and glanced back down at the book.

 

* * *

 

“God, I can’t believe this is happening,” Cameron said as she pressed the doorbell to the Clarks’ house. Joe chuckled at her side before wrapping his arm around her shoulders and laying a brief kiss against her temple.

“There’s really nothing to worry about, Cam. They’re going to be just as excited as we are. I doubt Gordon will scoff too hard,” he joked.

She rolled her eyes playfully at his comment. “Yeah, but Gordon’s not the one I’m worried about here, remember?” Cameron muttered lowly just as the door opened to reveal a smiling Donna.

“Hey, guys! Come on in!” she exclaimed as she stood to the side to let them enter.

“Oh, here you go,” Joe said to Donna as he handed her a bottle of wine.

“Thanks, Joe.” She smiled, eyes roaming over the label. “This looks great.”

“Yeah, completely useless for me, but I guess you guys can just tell me how it is,” Cameron said bitterly to which both Donna and Joe let out a caw of laughter. She wasn’t necessarily the biggest fan of wine, but she already missed alcohol so much that at this point she could down an entire bottle. 

“Okay, so Gordon doesn’t know yet, but I just wanted to say congratulations on my own again! This is so great!”

She stepped forward to give Cameron a hug, which Cameron returned with an awkward pat to her back, sharing a look with Joe. He held back his laughter at her reaction before Donna turned and gave him a hug, too.

“So, uh, is Bos here yet?” Cameron asked hesitantly. The thought of his reaction had been making her stomach turn for most of the day. She really didn’t know what he would say or if he would even be supportive, despite Joe’s promise that he would be. The thought of not having that reassuring man by her side left her feeling empty. 

“No, but you guys are a little early, so I’m sure he’ll be here soon. Oh, like I said, the girls aren’t here, so it will just be us. Gordon’s in the living room, if you guys want to go in there?” 

“Sure,” Cameron said half-heartedly. She doubted she was going to be very enthused with anything tonight.

“Gordon, it’s Joe and Cameron,” Donna called out to the living room after turning around and sauntering down the hallway. 

They followed Donna for a few more steps before she branched off to the kitchen. As they entered the living room, Gordon was getting up from the couch and in the process of shutting off the TV.

“Hey, guys,” Gordon said to them as Joe made a beeline towards him and gave him a brotherly hug. It brought a small smile to Cameron’s face. Their relationship had drastically improved since they had come to terms over that lawsuit and Joe had finally given the poor man credit for his idea. They were closer now than she ever remembered them being in the past, so she knew that it was probably killing Joe that he’d had to wait until tonight to tell Gordon the news about the baby. 

“Donna won’t tell me exactly why we’re having this dinner, but I take it it’s not for a bad reason because we would probably actually go _out_ for dinner if it had the potential to end in violence,” Gordon said.

“That would be a sound plan to me,” Joe chuckled before taking a seat on the couch. Cameron moved to the recliner to allow Gordon and Joe to catch up without her literally in the middle of them (and to be somewhat alone with her own thoughts, if she was being honest with herself), but before she could sit, Joe beckoned her over to him with a wave of his hand. She sat next to him and he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. Gordon sat down at the other armchair close to Joe and leaned in to talk about his newest issue with one of the coders.

Cameron quickly tuned out, her mind going back to the only thing that had been plaguing her for the last couple days: Bos. She was still kicking herself over not telling him in his office yesterday. She had spent most of today actively avoiding him and she’d hardly gotten any work done in the process. This was becoming a habit and it was _not_ going to do the company any good.

She didn’t know how long she had tuned out, but the doorbell rang shrilly through the house and made her jump slightly, something that Joe immediately noticed. She looked up at him and gave him a small smile as his thumb rubbed soothing circles against her arm. He pressed a kiss to her forehead right after Gordon excused himself to answer the door.

“Hey, it’s gonna be fine, okay?” Joe reassured her. Letting out a deep sigh, she nodded before briefly resting her head against the crook of his neck. She couldn’t wait until this damn night was over.

Bos followed Gordon into the living room, wearing his typical suit and holding a bottle of his favorite ‘Wild Turkey’. 

“Well, there she is! I’m sure I saw you for a solid five seconds all day today! You feeling all right there?” Bos asked, unsurprisingly taking notice of her first in the room over Joe. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just had a lot to do today.” That wasn’t a lie, but she didn’t actually _do_ any of it. 

He didn’t seem to believe her, but recovered quickly. “Okay, well at least we get to catch up tonight!”

Bos’ cheeriness was completely at odds with her mood. She could only give him a faint smile in return.

He finally acknowledged Joe in the friendliest matter that she knew he could. As much of a reason as he had for disliking Joe, she wished that wasn’t the case and that at the very least these two could be acquaintances instead of the tense, near-enemies that they were. At least they tried to put on a good face for her. 

Donna came into the living room and after a brief greeting to Bos, announced that dinner was ready. As they followed her into the dining room, Cameron chose the seat that was decidedly the furthest away from Bos, which he luckily didn’t seem to notice. 

Bos doled out drinks to everyone, while hammering on about the latest issue he was having with one of their investors. She had heard this story a hundred times already, so she was hardly paying attention. When he reached across and poured some of the bourbon into Cameron’s empty glass in front of her, she could sense Joe’s need to protest, so she closed her hand around his knee and gave it a squeeze as she stared at him. ‘Don’t make this too obvious,’ she thought at him, but he didn’t have to read her mind to know what _that_ look meant.

Bos remained standing after he finished pouring everyone’s drinks. “A brief toast, as I like to do at even the smallest dinner.” He held out his glass to the center of the table. “To all that the future holds for us.” 

‘That’s wildly appropriate,’ Cameron grimly thought.

He held out his glass as Gordon let out a resounding, “Here, here.”

Cameron clinked her glass with everyone and felt Joe and Donna’s scrutinizing eyes watching her as she tight-lipped the rim of the glass and pretended to drink.

Cameron wasn’t exactly sure how Donna was planning this dinner, but was beyond relieved when she told them to start eating. She wanted to push this announcement off as long as possible.

After they had all cleared their plates and were still idly chatting about nothing in particular, Donna finally cleared her throat to get their attention.

“All right, so this dinner isn’t entirely innocent, as I’m sure you all imagined. But it has nothing to do with me, so I’ll leave it to Joe and Cameron,” Donna said, as she directed the attention towards the two. 

Cameron looked at Bos briefly before licking her dry lips. Joe seemed to sense her distress because his hand closed over her leg under the table and gave it a reassuring squeeze. She gazed at him, and he smiled and nodded his head slightly. Giving a half-hearted smile in return, Cameron turned back towards Bos and Gordon.

“I, um—this is probably going to be a horrible shock for you guys, but I guess we have no choice but to say it now that you’re all here.” Donna gave Cameron a brief perplexed look at her use of ‘you guys’. She must have assumed that Cameron had followed through on her promise to tell Bos yesterday.

Taking a deep breath, Cameron said, “We’re going to have a baby.”

Donna was the only one who immediately smiled. Gordon and Bos looked entirely shocked at the revelation, and Cameron couldn’t determine if it was a good or bad kind of shocked.

Silence rang through the house and it didn’t seem like anyone was going to let up. She was almost tempted to add a ‘just kidding!’ to make everything go back to normal.

Surprisingly, Bos was the one who recovered first and gave a response that she hoped with all her heart was truthful, “Oh, that’s great news! Can’t say I’m not surprised, but god, I sure am happy for you two!”

Gordon readjusted his glasses before looking up at Cameron and Joe. “Yeah, this is great. Congrats, guys. Really.” He paused before adding, “But based on Donna’s introduction, I was assuming you guys were going to mention that you had eloped. I can honestly say that I didn’t see this coming.”

After a beat, Gordon turned to Donna and spoke again, “Wait, how long have you been keeping this a secret? As long as these two?”

Joe chimed in. “Well, she actually knew about it before I did, so you’re not the only one who’s feeling a little betrayed.”

Cameron turned her head and gave him a guilty smile, but he didn’t seem annoyed with the fact that Donna knew first because he laughed as he looked back at her. 

“Woman’s intuition, you know?” Donna said with a nonchalant shrug of her shoulders.

“How far along are you?” Gordon asked as he turned his attention to Cameron.

“Uh, well, we’re not really sure on the exact date yet but we think around eleven weeks. We’re having the first ultrasound done on Thursday, so I guess they can tell us then, or at least that’s what Donna has me believe.” All of this came out in a slightly shaking voice. Suddenly talking about this to a group of people was making it all seem the most finite that it had ever been.

Bos was oddly quiet despite the enthusiasm he’d shown. Cameron glanced in his direction and saw that he was staring at her with a heavy expression. Not liking the look on his face, she quickly averted her eyes to Donna who had launched into the story about how she knew that Cameron had been pregnant all along, with Gordon consistently chiming in. 

“Here’s what I don’t get, Joe, you didn’t tell me this once over the—how many weeks have you known now, three?—the three weeks that you knew about all of this?” 

Now it was Joe’s turn to look guilty, something that Cameron was slightly happy about. 

“I don’t know. I didn’t really feel it was my place to be telling people since we didn’t know whether or not we—” Joe drew in a sharp intake of breath at Cameron’s stomp on his foot. While she didn’t care if Gordon knew, she didn’t exactly want Bos knowing that she had contemplated an abortion. “Since we weren’t at that three-month mark yet.”

“Okay, yeah, fair enough,” Gordon said with a resounding note, though based on the look he fixated on Joe, Cameron was fairly sure Gordon was going to get the full story out of him sooner rather than later.

Gordon took it upon himself to change the subject himself. Cameron noted that he was being exceptionally chatty since their news, much more than he normally was. Apparently he was just as excited about babies as he was about computers. “So, do you guys want a boy or a girl?”

Cameron froze at that. 

“Oh…I really haven’t thought about that, to be honest,” Cameron said. She really hadn’t. Her head had been so filled with the ‘should I or shouldn’t I’ of this pregnancy that she hadn’t sat down to think much about the technicalities. 

No one seemed surprised by her response because they laughed, including Joe, who draped his arm over the back of her chair. “I really don’t have much of a preference, as long as it’s healthy.”

Donna leaned forward with a reminiscent look on her face. “God, it really is incredible. It doesn’t matter whether you are having a boy or a girl because this baby is going to bring you both so much happiness. Joanie and Haley changed everything for me and it will definitely be the same for both of you,” she said matter-of-factly.

That, right there, was what Cameron was terrified would happen. Of course she knew that a baby would affect her entire life, but she didn’t know how, and in all honesty, she didn’t even know if it would bring about positive changes. Good thing she had already committed and told people because she felt herself on the verge of changing her mind about the whole thing. 

Gordon reached over for the bottle of ‘Wild Turkey’ and as he filled his glass, he said, “How about another toast now that we know the real reason for this dinner? Cameron, I guess you can just use your water.” Everyone laughed at that, even Cameron, despite her dark thoughts. 

He filled up everyone else’s glasses as Donna went back into the kitchen to fill up Cameron’s water glass. 

Once she was back, Gordon remained standing and held his glass up. “To little Baby Howe-MacMillan.” 

Everyone clinked their glasses together again. The smile that graced Joe’s face was enough to pull her out of her funk for the time being. As with most of his smiles, it was contagious and she found herself grinning back just as he pressed a kiss to her temple.

Gordon launched into a story about the birth of Joanie and how much of a wild child that girl was even as a newborn. Cameron’s mood wandered back in and she became more quiet as Joe became more animated, taking over the reigns with answering questions.

Cameron started to feel nauseous, so she excused herself to go to the bathroom, more as a precaution than anything.

After stepping into the bathroom and shutting the door behind her, she stared at herself in the mirror. As relieved as she was that she had finally told the most important people in her life, Bos’ silence over the matter was giving her the same feeling of dread that she’d had before coming here. She didn’t know if she could be a mom. She could barely take care of herself, what made her think she was qualified to take care of another human?

After several minutes of deep breaths and wishing her nausea away, she decided it was best to go back out there and face them once again before they started to worry.

Taking one final deep breath, she opened the door and moved to walk out, but was nearly blindsided by Bos.

“Cameron!” he said in a heated whisper. She nearly jumped out of her skin, the same as yesterday at his office. She was pretty sure she’d never been this jumpy around him before this whole situation, and he was probably catching on. 

“Jesus, you scared me,” she said, placing a hand on her chest.

“Can we talk?”

Cameron’s heart was still racing, but now it was for a completely different reason. That tone did not make this sound like it was going to be a pleasant discussion.

“Uh, yeah, sure.” She led the way to the closest room, which happened to be Joanie’s, and pulled the door behind them, leaving only a crack open. She fumbled around on the wall until she found the light switch to flip on, bathing them in yellow light as posters of punk bands suddenly surrounded them.

“What’s up?” she asked as casually as she could.

Drilling her with a stare, he leveled up to her, and began without any preamble, “Cameron, I want you to tell me the truth, is this baby really what you want?”

Taken aback by the bluntness and severity of the question, she said, “What are you talking about? Of course this is what I—”

“Or is Joe pressuring you into this?” he cut in sharply.

Suddenly, Cameron’s nervousness gave way to anger. She knew Bos didn’t like Joe and she could see his reasoning behind asking the question despite how ridiculous it was, but it didn’t make her any less mad.

“What? Are you kidding me, right now? I can’t believe this is happening. Just because you hate Joe—”

“This has nothing to do with my feelings towards Joe. This is about whether or not you made this decision of your own will.”

“Joe hasn’t pressured me into anything, especially this. He’s actually done the complete opposite. He’s been nothing but supportive of what _I_ want. I’m happy about this, so I don’t see why you can’t at least try to be happy for me.”

“I am happy for you, Cam, but I’m also worried.”

“Well, don’t be.”

“That’s easy for you to say. I have to sit here and wonder everyday if he’s going to do something that will tear you down again.”

“That was six years ago, Bos. And it wasn’t just him, I did horrible things, too. We’ve learned from our mistakes and we’ve moved on. He’s been nothing but respectful to me, _and_ to you, I might add.” She tacked on that last part hoping it would drive her point home.

Bos tried to cut in, but she continued her rant before he could get a word in.

“And if you must know, Joe actually had me make this decision entirely on my own. He wouldn’t even tell me what he wanted because he wanted it to be _my_ choice. It might be easy to make Joe the bad guy, but I’m not going to let you or anyone else pin this on him. I don’t know what else I have to do to prove to you that he’s here to stay. He’s not going anywhere.”

Bos looked at her in silence. She’d briefly touched on this subject here and there with him, and more often than not it was in a joking matter, but he’d crossed a line here. Call it pregnancy hormones or whatever, but she wasn’t going to sit here and have people ragging on the father of her child, despite the fact that she would have let it slide in the past.

Letting out a deep sigh, he finally said, “I’m sorry, Cameron. I really am. I just don’t want to see you get hurt again.”

Cameron stared at him. His concerns always revolved around her, first and foremost, so she knew this was just his protective side coming out. It still didn’t make her any less angry. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and willed herself to calm down before responding.

“I know you don’t, but none of this is going to hurt me, not even when it comes to Joe. And if Joe and I split up for whatever reason, this baby isn’t going to be the reason for that. This is a good thing for both of us. I just…I want you to at least _try_ to tolerate Joe. We all may have had issues with him in the past, but he’s changed, like, _actually_ changed. He’s a good man and he’s going to be a great father.” 

She didn’t know why she couldn’t shut up. Bos had already apologized, but for some reason she couldn’t stop defending Joe, which definitely wasn’t something that had happened in the past.

Bos let out a sigh and closed his eyes before saying, “It’s something I need to work on, I know that, and I’ve been purposefully putting it off for years. He’s been back in your life for a while now, and you truly are happier than I’ve seen you before, so there must be some good in him. It’s hard for this old man to move past grudges. I can’t promise that we’ll be friends, but I will try, Cam. Really, I will.” 

“Well, good. Thank you,” Cameron said awkwardly. Bos had never made a promise to even remotely tolerate Joe, so this was at least a step in the right direction.

“I want you to be happy is all, Cameron.”

Cameron only nodded in response.

They stared at each other in awkward silence for a moment before Bos finally decided to be the one who broke it.

“So…I’m going to be a grandfather then?”

Cameron rolled her eyes and laughed. “Well, if you want to call yourself that, then yes, you are.”

“This really is great news, Cameron. You’re going to be such a wonderful mother. I can feel it in my bones. You’ve already said it, but I can see how happy this makes you, and that makes me happier than any man ought to be.” Bos offered Cameron a big smile and she couldn’t help but return it.

“I can’t wait to meet this little one. Now, come here." 

Bos wrapped Cameron in a tight hug that she returned with just as much strength. Tears were quickly starting to well up in her eyes because _this_ was the reaction she had so desperately wanted to hear from him, and she had it much sooner than she thought she would. Despite his words not even a few minutes ago, she could feel the love and support radiating off him, and it was more than she could ask for.

Sniffling, she pulled back with a smile and found Bos mirroring her actions. A thought seemed to dawn on him suddenly. 

“Oh, well now, I gotta know. Was this what you were trying to tell me yesterday and not that nonsense with the mainframe fund?”

Cameron panicked for a brief second. In all honesty, she had completely forgotten what she had said to him due to thoughts of this dinner running through her head. Clearing her throat, she awkwardly replied, “Oh, yeah. Unfortunately, we’re still going to need money for that mainframe, so let’s just pretend that didn’t happen. Sorry.”

Bos let out a loud chortle at this, but didn’t seem remotely angry. “I should probably be mad about you lying about money in our company to cover up a bombshell like this, but I’ll let it slide.” 

“Come on, we better get back out there. They’re probably wondering if we killed each other.”

They walked back out to the dining room. Joe gave Cameron a deeply concerned look, but she placated him with a smile that told him everything was all right. At least she wasn’t going to have to tell him anything too negative that night.

 

* * *

 

Cameron sat in the waiting room at the hospital, mindlessly flicking through magazines. She was feeling a little queasy after the last couple parenting magazines that she had looked through, so she was currently browsing a car magazine with no actual interest. 

Today was the big day. She and Joe were finally going to see the baby in a sonogram, and if she was being completely honest with herself, she was scared shitless. This was all suddenly about to be _very_ real, more real than it had ever been. Sure, she’d found out she was pregnant, decided to keep it, and told Donna, Gordon, and Bos, but it didn’t feel as official as today. She was starting to wonder if this feeling was ever going to go away.

Things had gone smoothly since dinner two nights ago. Joe hadn’t seemed remotely surprised by what Bos had said to her, but he did seem shocked that Bos had plans to be more tolerant of him. It was something neither of them expected, but they were definitely not complaining about this. It took an enormous weight off her shoulders to have his support, and it also seemed to relieve Joe in a way she hadn’t expected.

The rest of the time had been filled with some much needed relaxation. That was until this morning when she woke up plagued with gut-wrenching fear over the reminder that she would be seeing the baby for the first time.

“Hey, sorry I’m late,” Joe announced as he walked up to her and sat in the seat to her left. “Got held up by a call.” She gave him a weak smile before tossing the car magazine back on the table in front of her.

“Are you feeling any better?” he asked as he reached forward to brush her hair behind her ear.

She had woken him early with the incessant vomiting coming from her bathroom. He had yet to seem irritated by any of these wakeup calls, which baffled her because she was already beyond done with them.

“Eh, not really. I think I’m more nervous about this than anything,” she said honestly. His left hand came down to close around her right one.

“This is exciting, Cameron. Don’t worry, everything’s going to be fine,” he said, sincerity ringing through every word, though she thought she saw a hint of anxiousness in his eyes.

“But what if it isn’t?” Her anxiety was clouding her judgment all the time now.

“Cam, I promise—”

“Cameron?” The nurse’s call to the waiting room interrupted whatever Joe had been about to say.

Cameron swallowed thickly before standing up and numbly walking towards the nurse at the door. She hadn’t even looked back at Joe, but she could easily sense that he was a step behind her. 

“Hi, how are you both doing?”

“Good,” they both replied, though Joe’s response was much more confident than her shaky mumble.

The nurse shut the door behind them and said, “Second room on the left.”

Starting to feel lightheaded, Cameron picked up the pace in an attempt to get to a seat as quickly as possible. Entering the room, she was taken aback by how bare it was—no large equipment or monitors—but made her way to the exam table and sat on the edge of it. Joe made his way into the room and eyed her worriedly before taking a seat in the chair in the corner. 

“All right, so we’re just going to get your weight and everything before we put you in the ultrasound room with your technician, Amy.”

Cameron was barely aware of the procedure, just blindly did what the nurse asked her to do and answered the basic questions. She could sense Joe’s still-worried gaze watching her every move, but did her best to ignore it.

“Everything looks good right now. You can follow me! We’ll be in ‘Room D’ on the right up there.” 

The three of them sauntered down the hall until they turned into a room that finally matched what Cameron had expected when she had come to the hospital. A large and ominous machine with a computer monitor sat in the back of the room next to an exam chair. 

Cameron walked over to the chair and absently perched herself on it. Joe didn’t sit in one of the chairs lining the wall like he did in the previous room but stood close to the chair that she was sitting on. 

“You both make yourselves comfortable and Amy should be right in!” 

As she left, there was a moment of silence before Joe asked, “Are you okay? I don’t think you registered anything that just happened back there.” 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she responded, averting her gaze. 

He clearly didn’t buy a word of what she just said. “Cameron, look at me.” She begrudgingly met his demand before he continued. “I know you’re nervous about this, but there’s no reason to worry. Everything is going to be fine.” 

“But what if it isn’t?” 

“Cameron,” Joe sighed, putting his hands on his hips. “I know I can’t guarantee this, but we don’t have a reason to believe that anything’s going to be wrong. It’s normal to be nervous, but I think you’re getting in your head over this. You should be excited, not dreading it.” 

“I’m not dreading it, I just…I don’t know, seeing everything makes it so real. There’s no backing out now.” 

She belatedly realized that her sentence was very poorly worded when she saw hurt washed over Joe’s face. 

“So, what? You’re saying you don’t want this? I thought you’d made a very final decision,” he replied harshly, no doubt overcompensating for the painful sentence she had just thrown at him. 

“No!” she said quickly. “Of course I want this! It’s just—I don’t know how to explain this… I don’t feel like this is something I’ll be…good at. I don’t know if I can do it.” She had never actually said it in this blunt of terms to him, just hinted at it. Embarrassment washed over her at her admission, and she turned her gaze away again. 

“Cam,” he said with another sigh, though this time it seemed more out of relief than exasperation. “I’ve already told you that you’ll be great at this. There may be some hurdles along the line, but that all comes with being a parent. Of all of my concerns with this, you being the mother of my child is the least of them.” He finished with a reassuring smile that she tried her best to mirror back at him. 

It wasn’t that she didn’t believe him, but it was almost as if she didn’t trust herself to do any of this. She was going to be in charge of another human’s life in six-ish months and that was never something she thought she’d sign up for. 

A knock came at the door and in walked a dark-haired, middle-aged woman with a wide, confident smile. 

“Hi there! You must be Cameron,” she said as she reached out to shake Cameron’s hand. Cameron could only nod, afraid something other than words was going to come out of her mouth if she opened it. “And I’m guessing you’re the father?” 

“Joe. Nice to meet you,” he said back as he shook her hand. Frustration was starting to seep through her skin at the confidence in his tone while she could barely speak. 

“Okay, Cameron I’m going to get right down to the basics so we can see your baby as soon as we can. My records say you think you’re roughly eleven weeks and haven’t had a previous ultrasound, correct?” 

Cameron only nodded back. The small amount nervousness that Joe had just managed to shave off of her were back in full swing. 

“All right. We should be able to get a pretty solid idea on that from this reading, and of course, a due date. I’m just going to need you to lift up your shirt, and unbutton your pants and slide them down a bit for me. Baby’s resting pretty low at this point.” 

Cameron did as she was told and that cold, clammy feeling that had taken over her body earlier was back full-swing. 

“This is going to be little cold, unfortunately,” she said. And true to her word, as soon as she put a large dollop of the gel onto Cameron’s stomach, Cameron let out a sharp hiss and her abdomen shot downwards. 

“Luckily, this the the worst part of this,” she said with a laugh. Checking the monitor, she reached around for the Doppler.

“So, do you have any other children?” 

Cameron let out a nervous, breathy laugh. “Ha, no.” She reached down to wipe her sweaty palms up and down her jeans, carefully avoiding the gel on her stomach. 

“Ahh. First time. How exciting! Though I’m sure it’s a little nerve-wracking.” 

‘That’s the understatement of the century,’ Cameron thought as she simply nodded her head again. 

She moved the Doppler over to the gel resting on Cameron’s stomach and began smoothing it around, trying to get an accurate read.

“Takes a little bit for us to get a good reading, so bear with me here.” 

Nothing was happening on the screen in front of them. Cameron’s chest almost hurt, her heart was pounding so fast. Her hands were starting to shake and her mouth had gone completely dry. She wasn’t ready for this. At all. 

The screen suddenly went from black to a fuzzy gray.

As soon as this happened, Joe stood much closer, his legs pressing against the exam chair. Cameron glanced up at him and she _finally_ saw the hint of nerves on his face through a smile that didn’t really reach his eyes. Maybe it was all finally hitting him in the same way that it was with her. Though normally she would have wallowed in his nervousness, now was definitely not the time, and even if it was, she wouldn’t have had the heart to do it. After all, how could she blame him for being nervous? 

An echoing sound suddenly caught both of their attentions, and their faces whipped back to the monitor. 

She grabbed Joe’s hand and held it tightly as the technician began moving the wand more firmly over her stomach. Cameron’s heart was beating even louder now, so much so that she was pretty sure they wouldn’t even be able to hear the baby’s heartbeat echoing out of the speakers. 

“All right, we’re right about there…. Yes, and there’s your baby!” 

Cameron leaned forward as much as she could to look more closely at the monitor. She could make out a tiny head and what looked like little feet, but what really caught her off guard was the quick heartbeat echoing around the room. She immediately felt a rush of emotions that she couldn’t even begin to place wash over her. Her previous horror over the situation had completely evaporated. There it was. This tiny thing that had caused her so much grief over these last few weeks, and yet, none of those past feelings plagued her in this moment, in fact, she could only describe this moment as pure joy.

She turned her head to glance up at Joe. He seemed to be in the same predicament because he was hovering over her and looking at the screen in awe, his mouth was open and his eyes were wide with disbelief. He sensed her staring and looked down at her. She was pretty sure she had never seen that look of amazement cross his face before now. 

It was hard to believe that even 20 seconds ago she hadn’t been entirely sure if she wanted this because she couldn’t even imagine backing out now, not after hearing that loud heartbeat and seeing the joy light up Joe’s face. 

The technician finally pulled them out of their trance. “Baby’s looking excellent! Perfect progress from what I can see. That’s the strong heartbeat that I wanted to hear. If you look right here, you can actually see the little heart beating.” 

And sure enough, there it was, a blinking dot that was so, _so_ real. 

She didn’t know how long they spent staring at the image on the screen, but she was positive that she could have spent the entire day looking at this blurry outline and never get sick of it.

But soon enough, it was over. The technician removed the Doppler and began cleaning the gel off Cameron’s stomach before turning back to the machine. She punched in a few commands and the whirring of a printer filled the room. 

“This scan right here is your copy, and we’ll send the other one out to Dr. Stevenson so she can take a look.” 

Cameron held onto that piece of glossy paper like that itself was her child. 

“All right, based on the baby’s development, I’d say it definitely places us at eleven weeks, veering very closely to twelve.” She took a look at her calendar, flipping through the months until she landed on the page for the month of April. “That would put you roughly at April 20th for your due date. Now, your doctor will be the final decider on this date, but that is probably going to be the answer she’ll give you. I don’t mean to toot my own horn here, but I’m pretty accurate when it comes to this,” she said with a smile. 

Cameron was still staring at the image in her hands when she noticed the technician was about to leave. 

“It was great meeting you both, and congrats on everything! I’ll see you back in about six weeks for your mid-term ultrasound!”

Joe shook her hand one more time, giving a heartfelt ‘thank you’ before she left them in the room. Cameron had gone back to staring at the scan.

Cameron looked up at Joe with what she was pretty sure was the biggest grin she’d ever worn. He leaned down and pressed a firm kiss against her mouth, his hand coming up to grab the back of her head. She returned the kiss with just as much fervor, desperately trying to convey the joy she was feeling into that kiss.

After several moments, he moved to rest his forehead against hers, his hand still holding the back of her head. He pulled back back to look at the sonogram scan that same awe still lighting up his face. That megawatt smile was back again with all its contagiousness, and of course, she returned it. 

She didn’t need to tell him that everything was fine now, he already knew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all liked this chapter! As we all know, it took me forever to write, so I hope you guys didn't think it was a tragic mess! I'm feeling pretty motivated and I've been a lot more diligent about writing lately, so I'm planning to have the next chapter out in the next couple weeks. I REALLY need to get the ball rolling on this story considering the show is almost over!
> 
> The next chapters will definitely have more POVs from Joe, which I'm sure everyone wants more of. I just felt that this chapter exclusively belonged to Cameron.
> 
> Let me know what you thought! Comments and kudos are love <3


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